Tuesday, August 23, 2011

You'll always be my baby.

Hey you,

It's just not that easy for me to go back. Have you ever thought that maybe there's no turning back anymore? That no matter how hard we try, things are never gonna be the same anymore. I really want to go back. It's hard trying to get over things everyday when I wake up. In fact, I really dread waking up everyday.

I just want to start afresh. I just want to feel free.

I know it's killing the both of us inside. But maybe, just maybe, time will make everything better. As much as I miss you and us together, maybe it's time to move on. I hate crying everyday. It felt like it's been so long since I've woke up feeling that today is gonna be a great day. I'm so sick of feeling so pathetic everyday.

I just want to be free and happy.

And I just want to stop saying I don't know.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Now you want to be free so I'm letting you fly.

Hey you,

You know... you made me realise how much tears I've cried for the past 10 days. I didn't even realise it myself till you pointed it out. Deep down some part in me, I am dying to go home. I wished everything didn't turn out the way it did right now. I wish I didn't screw up.

Maybe things have became so rotten and broken that I'd choose to start anew already. I know you think this is utter nonsense that makes completely no sense. Or you might probably be so pissed at me to think of anything else already.

It's breaking me inside, whatever that's left of my rotten heart, bit by bit. I'm too lost and I don't know what to do. I'm sorry I can't hold your hand blindly, as much as I want to. I know I'm being brainlessly stupid for doing this. I know I might probably regret all these one day. I do miss you badly and it's been too long since we've last hugged. We're both devastated I know. But what are we to do?

Every inch of my heart and body is dying to make all this come to an end. I'm on the edge.

Just shoot me, please.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Seems like it's been forever since you've been gone.

Hey you,

I'm sorry I had to say all those harsh things. You have no idea how badly my heart ached hearing you that way on the phone. You have no idea how badly I wanted to go home, to where it's safe and tranquil. I'm sorry. I'm just messed up that way, or maybe like you - I am too stubborn for my own good.

I really miss those days we had, the days we'd laugh for stupid reasons and do brainless things that nobody would ever know. I'd trade the world to correct what went wrong before it became too late. I would've promised to love you right, to make myself worthy of your love. But I'm not, and nothing could change the fact that I'll never ever be worthy of such great love. I'm sorry I had to break your heart that way. I'm sorry.

Please, take good care of yourself no matter what. Promise me.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Where'd you go, I miss you so.

Hey you,

How are you doing? Have you been studying? Have you been hitting the gym everyday? Have you been doing your chores on time? Have you been smoking less? Have you been smiling more?

Funny how it feels like it was such a blessing that we had, though the life we had was a routine. Sadly, we never knew how to appreciate those days which flew by just like that. We always thought we had tomorrow. I always thought I'd have everyday to do the same things with you over and over again. I'd do anything to turn back time, I'd give my life for that.

If only I had the courage to fight. It sucks, knowing that I can't seem to fight anymore even though you'd forgive everything that's happened. If only I had the courage to face you after all that's happened.

I miss you.

Remember the last time I went Penang, I told you I bought us something? I guess, it's a gift I never managed to pass to you. I thought these pigs were so extremely cute and reminded me of us. And probably Rose too. I wanted to place them on the dashboard of your car. I wanted you to like them too.

I guess it's never happening already. I'm sorry, love.

I'm sorry this had to happen to us.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

谢谢当天塌下来 你也会帮我顶着.

Thank you for never thinking that I wasn't good enough.
Thank you for always being there for me
every minute and every second.
Thank you for protecting me
even if the sky were to collapse on us.


Maybe nobody would ever love me like you did anymore.
Maybe I can never live that way anymore.
And every time I think of you,
It is always flooded with happiness.
And maybe,
Happiness was a joke time played on us.

When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.

I know sorry means nothing to you. I know you too well to know that... but I really can't come up with anything else to say other than sorry.

I wished we could back in time and stop whatever that was breaking us, bit by bit. I wished we there was pause or rewind button, to rewind everything that went wrong and to pause those happy times a long long time ago. So long ago that we probably have forgotten them ourselves. Those smiles we had, we were so happy. I wished.

I'm sorry I'm such a mess right now. I'm sorry I had to put you through this.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

There's nothing left to say.

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try.
You deserve to have so much more,
I can feel your heart and I sympathize.
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life.

I don't want to let you down,
I don't want to lead you on,
I don't want to hold you back from where you might belong.

You would never ask me why my heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore.
I would rather hurt myself than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye.

You deserve the chance and the kind of love
I'm not sure I'm worthy of.
Losing you is painful to me.

I would rather hurt myself than to ever make you cry.
There's nothing left to try,
Though it's gonna hurt us both,
There's no other way than to say goodbye.

- Goodbye by Air Supply.

Friday, August 12, 2011