Saturday, January 31, 2009

J To The K

Just came home from Pavilion with Florence. It was pretty crowded there today. First shop she brought me into, make me lose control - Charles & Keith. It was like Heaven.

I was surrounded by heels the moment I stepped into the shop. I've tried my best to control myself, by just looking around and not trying on any shoes. It was then when I saw it. The red heels I was looking for all the while. It was practically screaming try me on.

Yes, you guessed it. I lost control :x

It's bee-you-ti-fool.

Pavilion was beautiful. So beautiful that this old habit came again, I took pictures.

And of course, we camwhored.

In Forever 21.

In Charles & Keith.

I couldn't help it. It was mirrors everywhere.

Damnn. I wanna get a tattoo somewhere on my back. But I still haven't thought of a nice and unique design. Wait till I come up with it, then tattoo parlour it shall be :)

B had his tattoo done today. Damnit. I want. T______________T

Wait till I get mine. If I can't think of any, I think I'll just go with my initials. Or maybe a cursive J or K. Don't ask me why, I've always liked the alphabet J that Imma name my kids with that alphabet.

No, it has nothing to do with him. I liked it since Secondary school. I don't know why but I think that it was cuz I had this huge crush on this guy whose name started with J. I got so crazy over him that I think that was when I started to like the alphabet.

Sadly, J was always a jinx for me. I never ended well with em, since 7 years ago :(

Or maybe I shall tattoo a crown! Suggestions, anyone? :D

- A fine line has been drawn between us, where our paths no more intercept, nor intertwined. A fine yet defined line which pronounced the distance between us.

Friday, January 30, 2009

How Does It Feel Like...

to love again?

I miss the feeling of being in love. Emptiness fills my days, and nothing else. Sadly, February's just around the corner - yea, Valentines' Day. It's on a Saturday. Wtf. I'll be stuck at home emo-ing myself out. If it was a weekday, at least I have classes to take my mind off you.

We could have had it, You were all I want.
It could have been so fabulous.

It wasn't that long ago since things ended, yet it felt like an eternity. Things stopped around me when you walked out from my life. Nothing else moved on except for the continuous ticking of the clock. Sigh. How miserable.

Perhaps I might have forgotten the features of your face,
And you have forgotten the touch of my skin.
Yet, I remember the hugs that only you could give,
So tight yet so warm.
And maybe,
You have already forgotten the kisses that we had,
And me, forgetting the voice saying that I'm yours.

Left for Mid Valley right after class today again for movies with classmates. Bride Wars it was. I thought it was all over, when I can finally face everything with a smile on my face - at least it was a smile I showed.

No, I was wrong. Was crossing to Gardens today from Mid Valley, and once again it hit me. Everything came back to me as if my mind was forced to refresh the memories over and over again.

With the ugly balls along the road, where you always smoked and we camwhored.
With Starbucks (in Gardens) above our heads, where you asked me to be yours.
With the road, where you'd hold my hand when we cross it, cuz you know I was never good at crossing roads.

They're all still there, yes they are. Yet, everything has changed so drastically that I no longer recognise the scene anymore. I miss you.

By the way,

Congratulations Juen, on turning 20 :)
Bid your teen years goodbye, and may it be a great year ahead of you. Enjoy your birthday, B.
All the best.
- xoxo.

I wonder how are you doing nowadays. Had you eaten well? Did you fall sick? Do you still sleep so much? Are you still busy with work everyday? I know you'd know how to manage yourself well. You always knew how to. I was always the bimbo instead. Now that you don't even read this, there's no point of me asking these :(

Oh yea, I've watched Pineapple Express. I finally understand why you said the first 10 minutes reminded you of me - cuz it reminded me so much of you like how it reminded you of me.

- 26/19. One day, I may have forgotten everything - but I'll always remember that special number that once meant us :)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Smoke Gets In Your Eyes

Ignore the title of this post. Just to irritate my couz haha.

Yea, CNY doesn't stop us from our weekly Starbucks session. Wtf, we're like Starbucks whores now.

After much pleading, she managed to get the car and actually drove. The journey from my grandmother's house to Leisure Mall (the nearest Starbucks) was basically a very short 10 minutes drive. It felt like a journey to Penang! /omg

We were laughing our heads off and it was raining. She's one hella classic driver :D

Me: What are you doing?

Couz: Waiting for the birds to fly away so that I can continue driving.

Hahaha she's so cute. Stopped halfway to wait for the birds.

If you notice, her hair grew tremendously quick.

Our food and drinks :)

- Another day without you passes just like that. Do you know how badly I miss you boy?

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


Oh ya. I forgot to bitch talk about my class in Uni.

Tutorial group is T2, everyone's pretty fine and friendly. There's about 20 of us, I think. Somewhere there la. Comfortable class :)

That's half of us having Lunch.

Taken before CNY holidays.

Went for classes today and wtf, one of the lects is suspected of having dengue fever and thus, class was cancelled. Being the itchy butt people we were, the 6 of us drove off to Mid Valley for lunch.

It was crazy in the car. Weird things and laughter everywhere :)

Wei Qi, she's one hella crazy horny woman.

We didn't have time for movie, so we went to play pool instead.

WeiQi and her bitch Jedwind & my bitch Juen and I

My bitch and I

Qi and her bitch, Jedwind.

In the car.

Wtf. Look into the future XD

Juen's too tired to smile for us anymore :(

He's not a camwhore wtf.

Jedwind, our driver of the day.

We bribed our lect with these cuz we were late for class :D

Left: Qi, Jedwind, Angeline

Right: Ah Loong, Juen, Me

T'was my day. Very very funny day it was. I'm happy I went for class :)

I'm so lazy to post pics here. Again, Facebook it shall be :D

- I'm pretty sure, I'm no more on your mind, nor your heart. But why are you still so deeply in mine?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


A month passes by so fast.

It has been exactly a month since you called me and said sorry. Exactly a month since I've became an emo bitch. Exactly a month since everything's changed completely.

My one month had never been flooded with tears like this before. Heartbroken. I've finally managed to learn what it is and fully understood its concept. Sadly, I had to learn it the hard way.

It has also already been a month since I've picked up a bad habit. Well, almost a month. Damn, this is bad. Oh well, at least I've indirectly managed to clear one resolution off the list - to do something I've never did, something un-Kamen-ly.

Now it's LiHong left tsktsk. We all know that JiaXin does. ChingMun and Xin is out of the question. We need to push LiHong down the cliff too. Erm, going to Melbourne is depressing no? That's a reason for you to. Wtf :D

Have been browsing through our pics a while ago. The happy moments we had, the sincere smile that you've never failed to lift on my face. They're all gone, embossed in our mind known as memories.

I don't want them to be refreshed, it'll just put a knife through my heart once again.
I don't want to be reminded of the happiness I once had for I know that I've lost it.
I don't want to know on how much I missed out with you for I can never turn back time.
I don't want to understand the reason why you left, it'll just make me cry once again.

I miss you, I really do.

Having you by my side all the while and never part. That would definitely be my dream, I guess.

But, a dream will always stay as a 「 dream 」ne?

It was short, but

アタシ達一緒に見ていた ユメ
It was a dream that we both once saw.

- Had I ever crossed your mind, even just for a bit?

Will My Heart Be Free?

Was itchy butt. So I read back on my previous posts.

Memories were refreshed. Blurry images now become clearer than ever.

Now that every detail is refreshed, I'm back to Point One all over again.

What went wrong in our relationship?

I can't help thinking. It never fails to hit me hard.

This is pathetic.

- 不想和我好, 不如直说真话.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Deception Point.

Perhaps, I'm still convincing myself to believe into something which I refuse to, but mercilessly forced to believe in :)

Oh ya,

My uniform is finally complete.

The scarf looks short here though :x Sigh. I feel so weird in that, especially the socks. Ugh. Please tell me it's alright :( :(

It's the first day of CNY yo. Busy collecting ang paus? Or busy gambling? It was a peaceful and quiet one for me. It has been so long since CNY has been like this for me, perhaps just another way to enjoy things if I try to look at things through a different angle aye?

I realise that I've confused myself badly. After all that's happened recently, I've completely confused myself. Perhaps, I've been thinking too much that everything gets more tangled up rather than being untangled.

I realise that I'm pretty much used to your absense now, yet my heart still misses you so much everyday.
I thought that there would always be a better one, just to find myself wondering why am I reluctant to start everything again.
I believed I wanted, realising that I'd like to stop.

This is getting confusing.

I'd still long for love,
even though we believe that true love never exists.
At least, I know it'll be something that
we'd both compromise on one day.

Enjoy your holidays people :)


- It is hard to love like how I once did, for I know that there will never be another like you.


Ching Mun says:
guess where she stay

Ching Mun says:

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
where? hint a bit la

Ching Mun says:
ur fav place

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:

Ching Mun says:
ma hai

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:

Ching Mun says:
no la another one

Ching Mun says:
i passed by faber heights

Ching Mun says:

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:

Ching Mun says:
something faber oso

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
faber tiara? /omg

Ching Mun says:
ya ya

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
next to a skul rite?

Ching Mun says:

Ching Mun says:

So yea.. the world is so small that it freaks me out :x This reminds me, Miss Cousin met Mr. J that day too on the bus. Wtf. Talk bout small.

It's really freaky how weird coincidences can happen sometimes. Had any of you had any weird coincidences happening to you before? Or maybe a deja vu kinda thing?

- If only, I could wish you a very simple, Goodnight :)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Gong Xi Fa Cai?

It's the last day of the year in the Chinese calendar, I think.

Happy Chinese New Year people!!
May the Year of the Ox be a blessed one for you all :D

People's entering the festive mood now and as for me, I'm stuck at home struggling to complete my work which is due this coming Wednesday.Wtf no life.

Gotta prepare for a presentation for Criminal Law on Wednesday and adding to the confusion, the case is omfg-ly long. We have to read every single judgment made by each judge and there's this common thing among judges - they like to contradict themselves. At first they say that the rule should be applied and all, later on they say it shouldn't be. Then we'll have to flip back pages before and read the entire thing again, distinguishing the differences between the first line and the second. And the cycle continues. /omg

Can't they use common English? T______________T

The thought of skipping the entire week is really tempting. Firstclasshonours Firstclasshonours Firstclasshonours Firstclasshonours.

Obviously this picture's not taken today.

Was taken in uni when my friend and I were rushing our work few days ago.

The Loacker made a really good camouflage wtf :D

Enjoy Reunion Dinner with your families people! <3

Okay, back to nerding. Bai.

- Now that you're far away, I wonder how you are doing.

Beautiful Sunrise.

I was so bored I googled random images.

That was when I saw the beautiful pictures of sunrise.

How it ached my heart as it reminded me of a secret wish I once had deep inside my heart.

One which never managed to come true, and never will.

At that moment, I just stared at the picture, the feeling of tears gushing to my eyes.

The feeling hit me again. This time, I managed to hold it back.

The sunrise is so beautiful.

If I were to witness it with you, it would be much more beautiful that it already is.

Well, it will never come true anymore.

- A wish I've never spoken of, kept deep inside. How I wished and wished... All that's left, is just my dream.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Just Another Saturday Without You.

No classes this weekend, yay? Out to meet the dear Cousin again. She's addicted to me. And we both enjoy Starbucks :)

No, we do not look alike (full stop)

She's dee-li-cious.

Today was not that emo. (I'm sorry panda I made u depressed haha) Well, I didn't let it hit me that hard at least. I'm practising the art of running away :D

Chinese New Year is coming in two days' time! Is everyone ready yo? ChingMun, we're eyeing your house womannn. Does Mr Lee mind smokerss?? Don't la hold only. *inside joke*

It's such a sad thing that I'm starting Uni on the third day of CNY. Everyone is still busy collecting their ang paus, arranging their cards, waiting for the Dai Dee to come (wtf) or most probably screaming Pung! on the mahjong table (double wtf) - that would most probably be what we're gonna do in Ching's house anyway haha. Oh ya, and not forgetting the booze. Yummeh.

BUT, I'll be in uni learning about Consideration, Conventions and Mens Rea. Back into the haunted building. WTF. (Did I mention that my uni is haunted?)

So, yea. A year passes us by so quickly. Perhaps, this year will be an extraordinarily quiet one. Cousins are busy with their own stuff during CNY and friends are all busy with either their families, or loved ones. Maybe, I shall be a nerd and prepare for my presentation on my case law wtf.

Perhaps you have forgotten, what we once shared.
Perhaps you have forgotten, how it feels to rest your hand upon my face.
Perhaps you have forgotten, the features on my face - the smile I always had.

- But I'll never forget you.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Rain, Once Again.

I remember typing one whole post on this before.

If I was the rain that joins the sky and earth that otherwise;
would never touch,
could I join two hearts as well?

Now that I read it back again, the feeling has changed. It's funny how you get a completely different feeling when you read the same quote at a different lapse of time. The first time I came across it, you haven't fumbled into my world, changing everything. This time when I read it, things have completely changed.

If I was the rain... Could I join two hearts that was separated? I'd really want to. We share the same air, the same sky, the same area in fact, yet you seem so far away - so distant.

What happened to the hearts with the feeling which once connected so strongly?

It's strange how fate brought us here. It's a wonder how we met at a point where we'd overlap each other's life for a short period of time. Love, it leaves as quick as it comes. Leaving me stunned, lost in everything you once gave.

Memories, they're painful. Your love, no where to be found. Tears, shed silently for I'll never let you see it. My heart, is still numbed by the pain as though a knife is stabbing through it constantly.

My emotions, I hide them well, masked behind the smile that I show.

I miss you.

What else is left for me to say to you? Perhaps, you're somewhere out there, smiling happily and enjoying your days - as you always do. Oh yea, and work hard, cuz I know you will. Let's just hope that you'll always be blessed with smiles everyday and may your days be happy always ;)

Next time when it rains, just try to catch the raindrops in your hands.
The drops you manage to catch is how much you miss me,
Whereas those that you didn't manage to catch,

Is how much I miss you.

Living in solitude with nothing but darkness surrounding me,
My heart found a beam of light when you appeared.
When you left so unexpectedly,
My heart could never get used to the darkness anymore.

How I miss; the scent when you’re near me,
How I miss; the feeling of your hands on my face,
How I miss; the warmth when you hold my hand tightly in yours,
How I miss; the excitement when I feel your lips on mine,
How I miss; the love when you enclose me in your tight embrace,
How I miss; the chemistry when you look me deep into the eyes,
How I miss; the happiness in me when I see you smile,
How I miss; the tingling sensation when you wrap your arms around me,
How I miss; the burning anxiety when I hear your voice over the phone,

How I miss… the face I once loved so much.

I miss you.

Now that it's missing. Now that it'll become unclear in time. Now that memories will become blurry... It's almost a month since you left, and what we once had together feels so distant now. Why do my feelings for you still stay as strong? When will it be forgotten?

- I will try my very best to smile for you, as I have cried countless tears for you.

I'm Back

in action.

Streamyx is dumb. I couldn't come online last night, yes I'm a Facebook whore who refreshes the page constantly wtf.

Okay, enough of Leah Dizon. SHE'S PREGNANT. Haha this is just to make you guys feel worse :p I shall put up pics of myself cuz I'm not pregnant WTF. And no, I can't pose like her. Maybe la, I shall save it for the auction haha.

Oh ya, they're auctioning me out on that night :(

Let's hope someone actually bids for me. I don't wanna look pathetic.


Front :)

Back :)

I haven't got the scarf thing in front yet though, so it's not complete yet :(

And, do Japanese girls wear black or white socks? Is it knee length or loose socks? /omg

I've tried asking someone who knew Japanese high school best, but no reply. Sigh. Guess I'll just have to figure it out on my own.

Or maybe, the guys who watch Japanese hentai stuff might be able to provide me with some information wtf. Yea, do leave a comment if you do :)

- Hope you enjoy your holiday in the land of the kangaroos and koalas ne. They're cute :)

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I'm not emo.

I don't know why, but it's a pretty random thing. It's a sudden realisation I suppose. Or rather, sudden relief. Or maybe I just got used to it :D

Perhaps it might not last long, but right now, this very minute - I don't feel emo :)

It's been so long. Idon'tknow. Just feel like declaring it cuz it feels so great wtf. Ya, finally managed to un-emo-fy myself after so long. Wonder how long it'll last though. The next thing you know, there might be another lengthy emo post wtf.

Let's hope there won't be :)

* * * * *

Upper part typed in the afternoon. Now let me rephrase, I wasn't emo in the afternoon :) Note, wasn't.

Orientation Night is coming, apparently. Orientation Night is where students of the Law faculty meet each other, and also the lecturers. It's somewhere on the first week of February, which is to be confirmed later. The event is confirmed though.

Supposedly, there will be a theme which we are supposed to adhere to on that night. Unfortunately, the Committee came up with a theme this year which is "Back To School."

Yes, we are to wear uniforms for that night :x

However, the very brilliant me suddenly remembered that there's this Japanese uniform buried somewhere inside my cupboard. My long lost friend bought (?) it for me as a souvenir when she came back from Japan few years ago. Yea, it's a real uniform haha wtf.

She got it from her high school in Japan and it's a high school located in Yokohama. Sorry, I really forgot the name. So...yea. Japanese School Girl it shall be :D

The best thing is, NO DRESS CODE on that day. My uniform looks something like this:

Note: Just the uniform.

God, Leah Dizon is so cute. She's married and is currently pregnant though HAHAHAHA. That broke some guys' heart, didn't it? :P

My pinafore is short sleeves though. Let's see how things turn out. There's still a pretty long way after all :)

I'm afraid when the night comes, that's when emptiness fills my heart and loneliness takes its toll on me. Yet, all I can do is to bask in the silence emcompassing me. I want to shout out loud, but there isn't a name which I can call out to.

- Maybe there is, deep inside my heart. But no matter how loud I do, you will never answer to my calling. Now that we don't even talk.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Period; How I Wished.

I'm still not over the fact that I can finally drive. Thank god I didn't become the black sheep of the family. Cuz everyone passed first time. I didn't want to be known as the only one who failed :x

Call me kiasu. I don't care.

Hmmm, seems like everywhere's been getting into the Chinese New Year mood. Decorations everywhere and the songs, I hear them everywhere. Dong dong chiang.

Speaking bout this, this reminds me. I'm pretty irritated with this certain blog, yet it's one of my sources of self-amusement. Yes, I contradict myself. I read the blog when I'm bored or emo cuz it really makes me laugh, and I can't stop. How often do you come across blogs like this? No, it's not cuz the blogger is humorous. Let's just say...hilarious in a bad sense :) And thus, the self-amusement. Not only me, Chingy also managed to release some stress after reading it. Seriously, it's pretty irritating. I shall blog about it later on.


Uni work is getting abit hectic nowadays, work is assigned after every lecture. Damnit. We have to read a case which amounted to a hundred over pages. We have to write essays and presentations on things we have yet to learn. The worst thing is still none other than, the dress code :( I think Dan Brown needs to write a fiction on this WTF.

Was having Lunch with classmates this afternoon, and my friend just dumped her pencilbox on the table right in front of me unintentionally. That was when I saw it. Very bad lah. When it left me for a teeny weeny while, it had to find a way back into my mind again. How evil can that be?

Friend's pencilbox :x

Then she started telling about her relative's trip there. And all I could say was:

"beautiful country :)"


Random WeiQi took her own pencilbox and showed me.

Ahaha, cute la her.

- You'd always manage to find your way back to me, intentional or not. And why is that so?

Monday, January 19, 2009

I Passed My Driving, Bitch.

That was the text I texted to my bitches the minute I was done.

Ok lah, I texted a different version to two other people :)

Yes, I passed first time. Waking up at 5 was worth it after all. And the clutch didn't betray me!! It never died on me, it worked well all the way. I'm so proud of you dear clutch, but sorry - this is Goodbye. Wtf.

I can drive legally around town in 5 days' time. Big deal. But still....yea babeh!

Panda, I didn't drive down the cliff.

Take time to realize, I'm on your side,
Didn't I tell you?
If you just realized what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another,
We'd never have to wonder if we've missed out on each other.
But's it's never the same, If you don't feel it too
If you meet me halfway, It could be the same for you.

- Realize by Colbie Caillat.

Sad how we met at the wrong timing. It felt so right.

- Missed out on each other, we did. If we were, we could have been the finest.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Day 21.

...Still counting the days since you left.

It's been 21 days. It felt so long since my heart was intact. Now that the pieces are shattered and missing, I can't find it back and put it into place, like how it was before you took it away. You were so charming, yes you were - or I would say, charismatic. Perhaps it was that which attracted me to you. I gave you my heart, I gave you my everything. Now that you're gone, what is the point?

It's back to the same Sunday. Days pass by so quickly that it makes me laugh at how it is an insult to human beings. It outruns us just like this. We can't see nor feel Time, yet we can never win over Time.

If it was so fine, we would be more than a month. I can't help wondering, if we were to be, would Time still pass by so quickly? Or is it cuz of the sorrow encompassing me, making days pass faster? I don't know what I'm talking about. It's a pretty abstract thing which I can't describe well with words.

Sunday. I used to look forward to Sundays. Cuz it's when you are off from work. Cuz I'll be able to meet you. Cuz I'll be cuddled in the fabulous hugs that you give. Now, I find myself becoming afraid and wanting to run away when Sundays are nearing. I'm afraid, cuz I've lost you.

Sunday. We took the train together; I could still remember how tightly you kept me in your embrace all the while, keeping me safe. We went around town together; I could still remember how tightly you held my hand in yours, we were so in love. We had wine together; I could still remember how sweet it tasted, its taste still lingering in my tongue.

The last Sunday I had with you.

Sunday. Everything was still fine. You were doing your own stuff. I still received your texts. Everything stopped when you called me in the evening. I could remember, it was 6.30 pm. You told me, Gomen ne. That was when everything made a 360 degree change in my life - till now.

21 days ago, we were one. 21 days later, we share nothing but the same sky above our heads.

I love this quote. Saw it in YgSik's blog. Ne, this is for you. That shall be my line for you today boy :)

- Your past may have made you a different person, and if looking back hurts and looking forward scares you, then look beside you. I'll always be there for you.

I Kissed A Girl.

...Just to try it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it.
It felt so wrong, It felt so right,
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.

- I Kissed A Girl by Kate Perry

This was A Week Before, as opposed to my blog title yesterday. Yes, there is a difference between a week before and a week later and Imma keep it to myself :)

Blogged bout going out last week and finally, here's the pictures :)

Us :)

Them haha.

Flo and her "hot stuff"

How sweet :3

She looks like she is up to no good XD

I was too tempting for her she couldn't stand it. Wtf.

Look at her steam face.

Hence, the title of this post :)

Xin, SK, Flo and I

Shh. Don't tell Mummy what I did ❤

I'm too lazy to upload everything on Blogger. Once again, check my Facebook for more pics :/

If you don't have my Facebook, too bad. And if you don't have Facebook, too sad. Ahaha wtf. This sounds so damn bitchy.

Driving exams tomorrow, let's hope I make it up the slope and the clutch doesn't betray me. Gotta wake up at 5 am tmr (wtf?!) and I can't sleep early at night. GG. Let's hope I pass tomorrow and I'll wave goodbye to manual driving.

- You didn't have to do that, really. I was not drunkenly mistaken about anything. I was more sober than you think.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A Week Later.

Went to Laundry last night, again. This time with Florence, both Jasons, Yang Sik and Aaron. It's been so long since I've met Yang Sik :( I know he misses me haha

I really thought going out would ease my mind, even for a bit. No, I was wrong. Badly wrong. Instead, it made me worst. What is wrong with me?

Night at Curve.

I like this effect :)

Camwhoring when we were walking up to Sanctuary.

Yang Sik :)

Jason, posing as usual haha

Jason Lau, the other Jason

my bitch, Florence <3

WeiQi when she saw this pic: Were you guys drunk? You look drunk.

Ahaha, no we're perfectly sober :)


Korean dude, Dong Hong.

Erm, he's half Malaysian cuz he's stayed in Malaysia since he was 6 haha

He's on his way back to Korea now though :(

This was cool. I forgot its name, I think it was B52 or something like that.

Have a try when you're at Laundry :)

I personally find this picture amusing.

Like he was thinking Wtf poser.

...and then attempts doing it himself haha.

Okay, not funny. I'm too lazy to upload pics here. Check out more in my Facebook if you're interested :)

Had a talk with YangSik, a painful one. It was supposed to be a therapy-console-thingy which turned out to be...pretty devastating.

We were talking bout our emo problems and he made a conclusion with this:

Yours couldn't commit. Mine said I was too committed. Wtf.

Yes. A short but painful remark. Why must things always be like this in life? People long for things they can't have and pushing away things that they already have. Sigh. Then, the talk grew to a point where we were discussing bout the girls he met.

Sadly, he couldn't commit anymore. And I asked why. His reason was yet another painful one,

We must learn to try to control our feelings. What's the point anymore?

Then I argued that he might end up hurting girls that really likes him. He then retorted,

I'd rather hurt than get hurt.

Ne, do you remember? You've told me all these exact words. Those words which broke my heart that night.

Persistently, I continued asking him what if he loses the girl which really loves him? He answered,

I'll wait till the right one appears.

Eventually, I had nothing to say and ended up saying;

Why must you people be like this?? Just because of one person. Just because of one relationship. Why must it make you people lose faith? Why must you give up on every other girl because of the past? It doesn't mean that the next girl will hurt you and break your heart. Whyyyy. Why can't you try committingggggg??

You guessed it, I then became a bitch. It triggered the pain in me. Perhaps, it was also someone else I was referring to that night. Perhaps, I just didn't want my friend to do this to another girl - cuz I know how badly it hurts.

Where nobody would understand the pain - nobody but you yourself who's left alone to face it.

Reached home at midnight, and ended up crying in the lonely night. I really don't know why, but I just did. Man, I'm emotional.

Missing you is too much for me to bear. Or at least, don't let things be like this - また全然話してないアタシ達。You always say it's for my own good, no it isn't. This isn't doing me any good. It's only making me worst, falling deeper.

- Will there be anything which will take you off from my mind? Or at least change the state that we're in now.