Let me hold you for the last time, it's the last chance to feel again.

- Broken Strings by James Morrison.

Seems like there isn't any sleep for me tonight.

When I thought things couldn't get any more fucked up, they would find a way and become more fucked up than it already is.

I just don't get it.

What should I be feeling now? Angry? Sad? Or should I be regretful? I really don't know - cuz I feel none. When all my emotions are so crushed, so damn fucking crushed that it's hard to even breathe. Still, I could never be angry over this, over you.

As envious as ever. As pathetic as ever. What else could be left?

And all I could do was to stare into the screen and cry, reading it over and over again, refusing to close the conversation that had long gone dead. Reason? I don't really know. Cuz all I felt was a painful feeling in the heart, and nothing else. Maybe that's why.

Fuck. I'm not making sense anymore. I can't seem to put these feelings into words.

I had a dream I never should have had. I just fumbled into it and thought that it could've been mine to own. It hurts. It fucking hurts.

But why am I still like this? Oh, how I hate myself sometimes. Could I, at the very least, blame Time for this mess? Or maybe Fate. I don't know. I've never seen a goodbye this painful. A goodbye which I can't even figure out the reason for. Maybe it's just me being stupid.

Now, it's really goodbye already I guess. Take care you.

I just couldn't bring myself to fake a smile at the end.

イつまでモ心のナかにイる。

Just know that.

Till then... whenever it is.