就那么喜欢吗?

I know that that phrase had been quoted a gazillion times in this blog of mine. So I decided to make it a title of my post today.

This phrase had been bothering me since... it was too long ago that I couldn't really remember when anymore. Perhaps, a good 7 months ago? Approximately. Or rather I should be asking myself this instead, "A good 7 months had passed, so why still ask?" As I've mentioned before, this phrase was never meant for myself. Possibly, it was meant for somebody else. Who knows. Maybe.

Not like I can ever figure out why. Not like there even is any answer to that. And even if it does, I'll never be able to find out anyway.

It'll be a lie if I say it doesn't matter anymore. But, what can I do... and who am I to be able to do anything. I don't know when it started, but some time ago, it started to feel as if everything I had - for that short duration of time - was so subtle... so close to being imaginary. Or rather, it felt more like a dream. But how can a dream leave so many scars behind... I really don't know.

I'm happy the way I am now, I really am. There's nothing more I could ask for. I block these thoughts out of my mind, I'm trying very hard already and I'm doing just fine right now. But, how real could this be? Or is it merely me being in a frail attempt to convince myself that some people are no longer there, where it matters the most?

Cuz it still hurts even if it heals, like mad.

遗憾, 又能算什么?
只怪我们连错过也错过.

对你我来说, 回忆或许是最恐怖的敌人
只是
我们在彼此的回忆里扮演的角色都不一样.

回忆的枷锁, 又怎能卸下?
心痛, 我也大概忘了怎样去感受.
或许, 连心痛的资格也没了吧?

也或许, 就因为是这样的夜才会让我想起你吧.

不是你的他, 我又能给多少?

因为我很害怕.

Maybe it's time I open this gift which I happened to fumble upon. A gift so rare I can never find another quite the same.