Smileeee.

Omfg. I typed two emo posts last night. Really wonder how I had the guts to publish stuff like that. Oh well. I won't delete it, I don't delete off things that I did :)

Perhaps it was the teeny weeny bit of alcohol in me taking effect wtf. But I was so down last night .__.

Went to Mid Valley with the Cousin again after class today Had lunch at Kim Gary, and Starbucks has became our recent habit.

Ironically, the waiter led us to this seat.

The seat where we once laughed happily together at the lame jokes you made.

Now that I'm there, where are you?

Starbucksss :)

I like this picture :3

She wanted to take a poser pic haha

She said it was shade wtf haha

And while she was having fun with her Nintendo DS,

I was obviously, camwhoring.

T'was my simple day.

- It's so tiring just to smile. I want to lift you off my mind, but why is it so difficult?

It's Hard Keeping It In.

ジョナサン・ハ

ただアンタの名前をココロから叫びたい。ゴメン

I'm sorry. I can't take it any longer.

Nothing I do can make things right. I don't know what is right and what is wrong.

ただアンタが欲しいだけ。

That's all I know.

- At this moment right now a week ago, you were in my arms as I was in yours. It was so heartfelt and unfeigned, yet so surreal.

It's 2 am.

And I just got home.

I really miss you badly tonight.

I thought it would work, I thought it would get you off my mind.

Perhaps it was the night, I really wanted to call you.

Even a "Hey..." would have been fine.

Even though my heart would be screaming inside,

How much it misses you.

My finger longed to press the green button. Yet it didn't.

Wondering if you were sleeping. Even if you weren't... I don't think it's right.

My mind, I thought it would be fine without you.

But you never left my mind when everything else did.

Vincent.

The name of a pretty peaceful song.

Starry starry night, Paint your palette blue and grey

Look out on a Summer's day, With eyes that know the darkness in my soul

But I could have told you,

This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.

Old old song. I'm sure a lot of you have heard it before. Perhaps, I shall just change the word beautiful to fabulous in the lyrics :)

I'm home.

Uni ends early on Fridays. I'm here again, facing things that I do not want to. Supposed to go out tonight, plans cancelled. And thus, once again - Jon is a betrayer.

I have nothing to blog about, like seriously. I don't want to post emo posts :x

Let's let the picture say everything :)

It's gonna be a long night tonight, alone at home.

Perhaps I shall stare up at the Moon and ponder on the impossible.

(Will there be a moon tonight?)

Or maybe stare at the Stars blinking back at me; wondering why are they so far away, unreachable.

Or if the stars are not around,

I shall stare blankly at the dark night Sky - wondering why is it as lonely as I am.

- For today, I'm in a loss of words to say to you - Mr. J, cuz you know that I would say nothing but I miss you... Mr Ex Boyfriend.

Tonight...

ア　イ　タ　イ

I miss you, badly. But at least, I tried my very best to not think of you.

*it has been a week, since your hand rested upon my face, since I've felt the warmth of your body, and since I've looked you into your eyes.

Maybe, Perhaps.

I realised, I shouldn't be emo anymore.

At least I'll try not to :)

There is nothing more to say.

I'll keep you somewhere deep inside my heart.
And perhaps one day, when I can finally face it;
The fact that I've lost you,

Only will I be able to learn to smile again.

You're fabulous, yes you are.
But you're not that great.
I'll resume my life like how it was
Before you appeared so suddenly, changing everything.

But I'll always be thankful that I've met you :)

I must've been a good girl, till Santa was jealous and took you away.

Just that this time - continuing with how it was before you came along,

It's painful.

Telling myself constantly that I'll be alright, I can manage on my own.

最後のキスはビールのflavourだったね？

にがくて、せつなくて、夢みたい。

- アンタを失ったアタシはどうなるでしょ？きっと苦しいでしょう。きっと辛いでしょう。きっと寂しいでしょう。でも、我慢する。アタシならできるね、タブン。

アンタは、アタシと別れた後、どう？ココロが痛かった？スコシでも・・・

Broken.

I don't wanna get home. I don't wanna stop.

That's when my mind rests and it'll start thinking about you, all over again. Has it already became a habit that it thinks of you whenever it settles down? Or is it just that uni work and lectures has temporarily blocked you out of my mind? And when it stops, the thought of you would come fleeting into my mind again, effortlessly.

It's been so long that you would now become a faint memory, a blurred vision which I can't remember anymore. At least I thought it would be. Yet, your face is as clear as ever. It happened as if it was just yesterday. Coming and escaping my mind as if it had a will on its own, leaving me dangling in misery.

Do you know how it hurts? Do you know how bad it feels? Waking up everyday to the same nightmare, a nightmare which I can never run away from. Living everyday as it is, pointlessly. It never felt that hard to lift a smile with the heart. I always thought it was easy, till you took the heart away and never gave it back.

I guess I can only push myself to move on, facing the days without you. I've walked thru 19 years without you and I've been alright. I'm sure I can do the same after you left.

When I face the blank screen, listening to pure silence, that's when it haunts me. Moments that I feel like crying every night, just to realise that there were no more tears I could shed. The heart is numbed, yet it still feels the pain. What has become of me, is nothing but a smiling face :)

I miss you.

I Love You And That's All I Really Know.

I wish I could say that.

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say yes

- Love Story by Taylor Swift

I don't need a prince in my life. All I need is you, and my love story would have been complete. Romeo, where's your heart gone to?

You were everything, everything that I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it

All of the memories so close to me, just fade away

So much for my happy ending.

- My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

I never had one. I thought I had one. I could have had one. I wished I had one. But it'll never be complete.

Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be

So together out, so broken up inside

Cuz I can't breathe, No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on.

Perhaps, what they see isn't what I actually am.

Had a short webcamming session with LiHong again just now. She thought I was being an emo bitch again. And thus, showed me this lame cute thing of hers. Kononnya la she thought I didn't know how it worked. I used to have a pig which shits when I press it okay. Wtf.

Normal face.

Trying to make eyes bulge like her lame cute thing.

I give face la. Didn't try to make my eyes so big.

You know what I mean :) Haha jk la dear.

Perhaps, I shall just accept the fact that my star has left me, in the dark sleepless nights.

为什么要这样? 明明还喜欢,明明还在乎. 为什么不能喜欢就喜欢? 就算一下也好.

- ね、アタシの痛みを知ってる・・・？

If I Were...

I wanna fall in love, and at the same time - I really don't want to.

Perhaps, I'd just choose to stop at the stage when you're having a crush on this person and wondering if the person feels the same too. Every little thing this person does is great, funny, cute, whatever positive word you can think of. Even the bad points turn into good points. That's the sweetest, yet the greatest.

Love... Perhaps, it's just an imaginary feeling created by those longing for it. Must love and hurt coexist? Must more tears be shed as our feelings for a person grows? If it is, I wonder... Why is it this way?

Those without love... are always longing for it, yet not knowing its meaning.
Those with love... never knew how to appreciate, till it's too late.

Your kisses, they still linger somewhere in me.

Your touch, they still make a mark on me.

Your whispers, they still ring in my ears.

Your love, it's still in my heart - like a tattoo.

Searching deliberately for a happy ending, mine was nothing but a journey of pain and tears. I once had hopes, I once believed. Yet, it brought me no where but to a path where I'd continue alone, with nothing but a broken heart.

I hate it. I hate the feeling of being all alone at night, when things keeps coming back to me. I hate the feeling of missing you. And most of all, I hate to face the fact that we have to keep a distance, talk within limits... Not because we don't want to - but because we have to.

I wish it was me.

I wish I could be the one,

; the one who could cheer you up and paint a smile on your face.
; the one who could listen to your problems and laugh with you.
; the one who could make you forget and reminisce.
; the one who could find the missing heart and put it back in place.
; the one who could hold your hand and let you hold mine.

* the one you could give your heart to, even if it was just a bit.

- I'll be alright when dawn comes. That's when I try my very best to smile and move on, without turning back at the dream we once had.

The Wave Has Struck Me Again.

It's a pretty old song, yet it's on Repeat mode. I really like this song.

我的心却无法事过境迁 你覓食爱情的那一张脸
My heart cant seem to move on and forget, your face that was once searching for the visage of love.

过境说的永远 随着涨潮不见

The forever once said, has disappeared with the high tide.

变成我记忆里的明信片

Becoming nothing but a postcard in my memory.

你的爱飞很远像候鸟看不见

Your love has flown far away, like the migratory birds that cannot be seen

那伤心乱成一片

My sorrow becoming all messed up

你的爱飞很远像候鸟季节变迁
Your love has flown far away, like the migratory birds that shift with the seasons.

Sounds so retarded after translating it to English. Oh well. It's a pretty emo song. I'll be alright when the wave is gone :)

Wtf. Why do tears still fall like this? Perhaps, it's cuz of the lonely night.

- I needed a shoulder. Lots came and asked why. Where were you? You were all I ever wanted.

Reminiscence.

The sky is completely dark now.

I hate it.

Somebody, make the sky smile?

You were once here for me whenever it rained, now that you're gone...

Perhaps, the rain might wash my pain away.

ヤミの中のカミナリだった

Spent part of my afternoon doing this.

As I did this, memories ran through my mind as I browsed around selecting the best pics.

How happy all those smiles were.

- If I could, I would smile from my heart once again. I wished I could.

It'll All Get Better In Time

I didn't know Emo posts were so laku.

Statistics have proven that I get more hits when I post emo posts. Why la? When I blog about emo stuff, I'll seem to get a higher number of readers on that day. You bunch of emo people. Tsk tsk.

Nah, I don't think it's cuz they're emo people. It just comes to the fact that Malaysians are kepo people. Ahaha. Or maybe, sadistic? Like you enjoy reading, and knowing that the blogger's emo. Wtf.

Or you just want to feel emo with me? :D

Like, the number of readers were sky high during the period when I was a freaking emo bitch, updating emo posts everyday. Then it became normal again when I stopped the emo posts. Yesterday, it went sky high again. See my point?

*li hong* says:
well it makes ppl feel better

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
to see me emo? wtf

*li hong* says:
dat they're not the onli one going thru emo stuff

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
HAHA BUT I CANT FIND OTHER EMO BLOGS /omg

*li hong* says:
HAHA got

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
all happy happy wan =/

*li hong* says:
panda

Ahaha yes yes. The Panda is getting emo nowadays.

Eh don't la. It's not good to be emo. I'm a happy girl :D That's a lie. Classes resuming tomorrow, and I still have unfinished assignments. Gotta read up on Criminal Law, Consti Law, and some dumb presentation on the history of Contract Law.

Day 16.
Still moving on. Perhaps, it'll be better just being friends - cuz I've finally realised.
Perhaps, we're both running away. Perhaps, that's how it's meant to be.

There won't be emo posts everyday. It's not the 11th anymore :) Somehow, I seem to like this quote I've seen somewhere online,

Dance as though no one is watching,

Sing as though no one can hear you,

Live life as though heaven is on Earth,

Love like you've never been hurt.

No, it's impossible. This love took my everything.

- I don't care how bad it hurts loving you, cuz it hurts more not being able to. That's what I wanted to say to you - but you left before I could tell you.

A Little Too Not Over You

by David Archuleta.

Ching suddenly came with this song, asking me to listen to it and Google its lyrics :(

Memories, supposed to fade

What's wrong with my heart?

Shake it off, let it go

Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong, moving on

Sometimes I try to hide, what I feel inside.

Tell me why, you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me, I'm not over it

Tell me why, I just can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you.

Try listening to the song. Not bad :)

This, the season to mend the broken heart. Seems like so many people has got their heart broken. 10 more mins, and there won't be emo posts anymore, hopefully :)

- Now that 11th's over, I'll be alright - like how it was when you took your love away. Still moving on.

Now...And Then.

January 11th.

Once, I have wondered how this day would come.

It could have been so fine, so fine indeed.

You and I, we both remembered.

Yet, we had to forget.

It's gonna be another lonely night tonight.

It shouldn't be like this. This isn't the way how things should be.

Tonight... I was supposed to be in your arms, leaving kisses on your neck.

Tonight... I was supposed to be your girl, your princess.

Tonight... You were supposed to be giving me the hugs I loved so much,

making me the happiest girl ever.

Yet tonight... It could have been a month. But you didn't let it happen.

I won't cry. I'll move on, cuz I promised you I would. Boy, do you know how much I miss you?

; 爱过你短暂停留的容颜, 我的心却无法事过境迁,

I once loved the face which didn't stay long enough, yet I still can't get over it.

; 你的爱飞很远, 那伤心乱成一片.

Your love is far away now, messed up with a broken heart.

- I want your heart boy, even if it was just for a while.

Sorry.

I have a feeling an emo post will be coming up next.

Cuz I don't have enough time to type emo stuff now, I shall do it tonight wtf.

Yes, I will be back before 12 am, before it turns January 12th.

Skip this blog for a day if you do not wish to read emo stuff.

xx

Vanity, Part 2.

Yes, you guessed it.

Part 1 was with ChingMun. Now that she's happily in Zouk with Xin, it's just the two of us left. We got bored, and once again it happened.

Don't ask me how it started. I think it started when LiHong started wearing her shades and so I did the same. Hence, triggered the vanity in us.

Posers trying to act cool.

I think this was another poser pose too.

Bimbotic bitch pose.

Shut up.

The somewhat failed Nerdy look.

Seduced, no?

Yes, I smiled showing my teeth :x

my favourite one :)

Surprising how a pair of shades does miracles. It can make you look great without any makeup, even if you have shitty puffy eyes with dark circles. Ever wondered how it looks behind those shades? You're lucky that we're brave people :D

Ahaha I like this. It's like I'm staring up at her.

Yes, my nerdy glasses -_____-

We just love to video call :D

Oh ya. There was a guest appearance by this hot dude. Check him out. He's single, and most probably available.

Try dating him 10 years later :)

4 In The Morning.

No, not the Gwen Stefani song. Slept at 4 am last erm, morning. GG.

I somehow started thinking that class starts at 10 when i reached home, despite knowing so surely earlier at night that it actually starts at 9. Thus, I overslept and woke up at 8, rushing for class. Somehow, I still convinced myself that class starts at 10 when I woke up. Wtf. How great, 4 hours of sleep. Still managed to reach uni in time though.

Long story how the night before started. Went off to Laundry with Jonny and Jeff (his bro) at 10 something. How nice of them to fetch me. Met up with Xin, Flo, Flo's *cough* hot stuff *cough*and Jason.

Jason: Eh Kamen, I want a man to man talk with you. As in, woMAN.

Wtf. I swear, he's damn lame haha. Sadly, Ching had to run some Orientation and corrupt minds for the first years in her uni :(

Stayed there till about 1.30 am and left. Took the wrong way and got lost on our way home. Could have ended up at Genting Highlands haha wtf. Ended up in the middle of town in KL, Sentral, then Taman Desa and finally home. Pretty cool though. Driving around with two dudes in the middle of the night :D

It's been so long since I've managed to crap so much with Flo. Might blog more about the night when the pictures come to me. By the time the pics come, most prolly I'd already forgot half of what happened that night haha. Trust me, I camwhored like there was no tomorrow. And I swear, Imma steal that 12 megapixels camera one fine day.

Look at this. Taken with my phone camera without night mode. Flo looks so cute here <3

The one and only pic taken with my own phone. Others all somewhere inside Xin's camera and the camera-imma-steal-one-day.

Looked zombie-ish the next morning in class, I think my lect might even think I'm on weed. Wtf. Here's a picture to prove it.

My eyes, the worst state ever.

Off to meet the Cousin at Mid Valley after class today.

Couz' chocolate chip thing and mine, Caramel Frap as usual :)

She had to study for her exams this Weds.

and all i did, was to obviously - camwhore.

This was candid though haha.

I knew she couldn't take it.

She closed her books and said,

Forget it. Let's camwhore.

Posers.

I'm weird? You're weird too.

This picture reminds me of Flo last night.

Let's not talk bout it, yet :x

Just thought this was cool.

As if she had some kinda superpowers.

Cheers.

I'm so tired. But the night was great. Well, at least to me it was :)

- i remember, the moon was visible last night. There were clouds, yet my star was here shining....even for just one night, as fabulous as ever.

Laundry.

My bitches. Imma see you peeps in one hour's time.

Ching, screw that orientation and comeeeeeeee.

Wtf. This is so random.

For Once.

...LiHong has provided me with fruitful information.

Yesterday, we were discussing about the war between Israel and Gaza, about how dumb it actually started.

Today, my lect was talking about it during Consti lectures. About how dumb it was, how everything started with Gaza landing homemade rockets at them and the number of people who died.

No la, it didn't feel as godlike as it was previously but still, at least it wasn't Greek again.

Conclusion is, LuHong - you shall Google more random stuff and tell me about it ahaha.

Somehow, the lect reminded me of you. The way he speaks, the way he thinks, the way he is :)

By the way, anyone has plans for tonight? I'm free to go out tonight.

it's a rare thing loves.


- I wonder how it would be, the next time I were to see you.

The Sky Is Gloomy Again Today.

Having Jap exams in about 4 hours' time.

Had a damn gay chat session with Xin and Chingy. I swear it was one of the gayest convo we ever had. If it was face to face, we would have died of laughter. GG.

It's too overrated to be shown online haha. But one small bit of it can be found on Ching's blog. That's like just one small bit of it.

It's the season of breaking up ne. People around are all getting their hearts broken.

It'll heal in time :)

Omg. I feel so no life now. It's been so long since I last went out, well... it feels that long, literally. It's just uni, uni and nothing else. :x This is bad. It's just the first week goddamnit. And I realised, I haven't been writing for half a year that my handwriting sucks now haha wtf.

Oh ya. I need to share this. It's nothing great, but at least I feel great lah. It's my blog, try suing me.

It happened during our Constitutional Law classes. Apparently, some girl was talking bout her love for Science. for some reason, she's doing Law. It felt as if they were speaking Greek, none of us understood what cool philosophical stuff they were talking bout. Somehow, my lect ended up talking bout Richard Dawkins. Fuiyoh. That's when it came.

It wasn't Greek anymore. It became English.

On one of the rare occasions when I sit in front, I asked:

Richard Dawkins? Was it the one who wrote God Delusion?

Lect: Yes. It was a very good book. He was a very great thinker.... *goes on bout Richard Dawkins*

The class was so stunned. Science girl was stunned. It became Greek to her this time.

It was godlike.

I mean, look at my face man. Who would expect me to know things like this. No one would think that I know Richard Dawkins in the first place ahaha. Wtf. Okay, I admit I didn't know who he was, till you came along. Thank you you and your awesome brains. Ahaha.

Ok la, just let me indulge myself in this. It felt fun, too bad.

Was chatting to LiHong, she was bored to death too. So, she decided to Google on why Israel is bombing Gaza - and these were her results.

Israel is attacking Gaza because Gaza was attacking Israel because Israel was attacking Gaza.
Sadly, many innocent Gazan civilians have thus far failed to make the distinction between bombs intended for militants and bombs intended for them. It seems that when bombs land on the heads of Gazan civilians, they die regardless. The U.N. claims that 62 of those killed are civilians. The U.N. also says its civilian death count includes only women and children. Either there's no such thing as a civilian man in Gaza, or the U.N. is vastly undercounting the number of civilian dead.

*li hong* says:
now i noe why edi and its stupid

*li hong* says:
ok first its Gaza's fault because Gaza started shooting rockets even though small

*li hong* says:
but den Israel is also stupid

*li hong* says:
coz dey say enuf is enuf, and dey go and bomb Gaza back

*li hong* says:
but den Gaza shoot rockets coz Israel block all the economic trades. no food, nothing coming in Gaza

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
hahahahahahaha

This is dumb. Stupid how war starts. Peace, anyone?

You've just wasted your time reading this post. Congrats, you're a no life like me too.

- you've taught me more things than you'd know.