Maybe, Perhaps.

I realised, I shouldn't be emo anymore.

At least I'll try not to :)

There is nothing more to say.

I'll keep you somewhere deep inside my heart.
And perhaps one day, when I can finally face it;
The fact that I've lost you,

Only will I be able to learn to smile again.

You're fabulous, yes you are.
But you're not that great.
I'll resume my life like how it was
Before you appeared so suddenly, changing everything.

But I'll always be thankful that I've met you :)

I must've been a good girl, till Santa was jealous and took you away.

Just that this time - continuing with how it was before you came along,

It's painful.

Telling myself constantly that I'll be alright, I can manage on my own.

最後のキスはビールのflavourだったね？

にがくて、せつなくて、夢みたい。

- アンタを失ったアタシはどうなるでしょ？きっと苦しいでしょう。きっと辛いでしょう。きっと寂しいでしょう。でも、我慢する。アタシならできるね、タブン。

アンタは、アタシと別れた後、どう？ココロが痛かった？スコシでも・・・

Broken.

I don't wanna get home. I don't wanna stop.

That's when my mind rests and it'll start thinking about you, all over again. Has it already became a habit that it thinks of you whenever it settles down? Or is it just that uni work and lectures has temporarily blocked you out of my mind? And when it stops, the thought of you would come fleeting into my mind again, effortlessly.

It's been so long that you would now become a faint memory, a blurred vision which I can't remember anymore. At least I thought it would be. Yet, your face is as clear as ever. It happened as if it was just yesterday. Coming and escaping my mind as if it had a will on its own, leaving me dangling in misery.

Do you know how it hurts? Do you know how bad it feels? Waking up everyday to the same nightmare, a nightmare which I can never run away from. Living everyday as it is, pointlessly. It never felt that hard to lift a smile with the heart. I always thought it was easy, till you took the heart away and never gave it back.

I guess I can only push myself to move on, facing the days without you. I've walked thru 19 years without you and I've been alright. I'm sure I can do the same after you left.

When I face the blank screen, listening to pure silence, that's when it haunts me. Moments that I feel like crying every night, just to realise that there were no more tears I could shed. The heart is numbed, yet it still feels the pain. What has become of me, is nothing but a smiling face :)

I miss you.

I Love You And That's All I Really Know.

I wish I could say that.

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone

I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run

You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess

It's a love story baby just say yes

- Love Story by Taylor Swift

I don't need a prince in my life. All I need is you, and my love story would have been complete. Romeo, where's your heart gone to?

You were everything, everything that I wanted

We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it

All of the memories so close to me, just fade away

So much for my happy ending.

- My Happy Ending by Avril Lavigne

I never had one. I thought I had one. I could have had one. I wished I had one. But it'll never be complete.

Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be

So together out, so broken up inside

Cuz I can't breathe, No, I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on.

Perhaps, what they see isn't what I actually am.

Had a short webcamming session with LiHong again just now. She thought I was being an emo bitch again. And thus, showed me this lame cute thing of hers. Kononnya la she thought I didn't know how it worked. I used to have a pig which shits when I press it okay. Wtf.

Normal face.

Trying to make eyes bulge like her lame cute thing.

I give face la. Didn't try to make my eyes so big.

You know what I mean :) Haha jk la dear.

Perhaps, I shall just accept the fact that my star has left me, in the dark sleepless nights.

为什么要这样? 明明还喜欢,明明还在乎. 为什么不能喜欢就喜欢? 就算一下也好.

- ね、アタシの痛みを知ってる・・・？

If I Were...

I wanna fall in love, and at the same time - I really don't want to.

Perhaps, I'd just choose to stop at the stage when you're having a crush on this person and wondering if the person feels the same too. Every little thing this person does is great, funny, cute, whatever positive word you can think of. Even the bad points turn into good points. That's the sweetest, yet the greatest.

Love... Perhaps, it's just an imaginary feeling created by those longing for it. Must love and hurt coexist? Must more tears be shed as our feelings for a person grows? If it is, I wonder... Why is it this way?

Those without love... are always longing for it, yet not knowing its meaning.
Those with love... never knew how to appreciate, till it's too late.

Your kisses, they still linger somewhere in me.

Your touch, they still make a mark on me.

Your whispers, they still ring in my ears.

Your love, it's still in my heart - like a tattoo.

Searching deliberately for a happy ending, mine was nothing but a journey of pain and tears. I once had hopes, I once believed. Yet, it brought me no where but to a path where I'd continue alone, with nothing but a broken heart.

I hate it. I hate the feeling of being all alone at night, when things keeps coming back to me. I hate the feeling of missing you. And most of all, I hate to face the fact that we have to keep a distance, talk within limits... Not because we don't want to - but because we have to.

I wish it was me.

I wish I could be the one,

; the one who could cheer you up and paint a smile on your face.
; the one who could listen to your problems and laugh with you.
; the one who could make you forget and reminisce.
; the one who could find the missing heart and put it back in place.
; the one who could hold your hand and let you hold mine.

* the one you could give your heart to, even if it was just a bit.

- I'll be alright when dawn comes. That's when I try my very best to smile and move on, without turning back at the dream we once had.

The Wave Has Struck Me Again.

It's a pretty old song, yet it's on Repeat mode. I really like this song.

我的心却无法事过境迁 你覓食爱情的那一张脸
My heart cant seem to move on and forget, your face that was once searching for the visage of love.

过境说的永远 随着涨潮不见

The forever once said, has disappeared with the high tide.

变成我记忆里的明信片

Becoming nothing but a postcard in my memory.

你的爱飞很远像候鸟看不见

Your love has flown far away, like the migratory birds that cannot be seen

那伤心乱成一片

My sorrow becoming all messed up

你的爱飞很远像候鸟季节变迁
Your love has flown far away, like the migratory birds that shift with the seasons.

Sounds so retarded after translating it to English. Oh well. It's a pretty emo song. I'll be alright when the wave is gone :)

Wtf. Why do tears still fall like this? Perhaps, it's cuz of the lonely night.

- I needed a shoulder. Lots came and asked why. Where were you? You were all I ever wanted.

Reminiscence.

The sky is completely dark now.

I hate it.

Somebody, make the sky smile?

You were once here for me whenever it rained, now that you're gone...

Perhaps, the rain might wash my pain away.

ヤミの中のカミナリだった

Spent part of my afternoon doing this.

As I did this, memories ran through my mind as I browsed around selecting the best pics.

How happy all those smiles were.

- If I could, I would smile from my heart once again. I wished I could.

It'll All Get Better In Time

I didn't know Emo posts were so laku.

Statistics have proven that I get more hits when I post emo posts. Why la? When I blog about emo stuff, I'll seem to get a higher number of readers on that day. You bunch of emo people. Tsk tsk.

Nah, I don't think it's cuz they're emo people. It just comes to the fact that Malaysians are kepo people. Ahaha. Or maybe, sadistic? Like you enjoy reading, and knowing that the blogger's emo. Wtf.

Or you just want to feel emo with me? :D

Like, the number of readers were sky high during the period when I was a freaking emo bitch, updating emo posts everyday. Then it became normal again when I stopped the emo posts. Yesterday, it went sky high again. See my point?

*li hong* says:
well it makes ppl feel better

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
to see me emo? wtf

*li hong* says:
dat they're not the onli one going thru emo stuff

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
HAHA BUT I CANT FIND OTHER EMO BLOGS /omg

*li hong* says:
HAHA got

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
all happy happy wan =/

*li hong* says:
panda

Ahaha yes yes. The Panda is getting emo nowadays.

Eh don't la. It's not good to be emo. I'm a happy girl :D That's a lie. Classes resuming tomorrow, and I still have unfinished assignments. Gotta read up on Criminal Law, Consti Law, and some dumb presentation on the history of Contract Law.

Day 16.
Still moving on. Perhaps, it'll be better just being friends - cuz I've finally realised.
Perhaps, we're both running away. Perhaps, that's how it's meant to be.

There won't be emo posts everyday. It's not the 11th anymore :) Somehow, I seem to like this quote I've seen somewhere online,

Dance as though no one is watching,

Sing as though no one can hear you,

Live life as though heaven is on Earth,

Love like you've never been hurt.

No, it's impossible. This love took my everything.

- I don't care how bad it hurts loving you, cuz it hurts more not being able to. That's what I wanted to say to you - but you left before I could tell you.

A Little Too Not Over You

by David Archuleta.

Ching suddenly came with this song, asking me to listen to it and Google its lyrics :(

Memories, supposed to fade

What's wrong with my heart?

Shake it off, let it go

Didn't think it'd be this hard

Should be strong, moving on

Sometimes I try to hide, what I feel inside.

Tell me why, you're so hard to forget

Don't remind me, I'm not over it

Tell me why, I just can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you.

Try listening to the song. Not bad :)

This, the season to mend the broken heart. Seems like so many people has got their heart broken. 10 more mins, and there won't be emo posts anymore, hopefully :)

- Now that 11th's over, I'll be alright - like how it was when you took your love away. Still moving on.

Now...And Then.

January 11th.

Once, I have wondered how this day would come.

It could have been so fine, so fine indeed.

You and I, we both remembered.

Yet, we had to forget.

It's gonna be another lonely night tonight.

It shouldn't be like this. This isn't the way how things should be.

Tonight... I was supposed to be in your arms, leaving kisses on your neck.

Tonight... I was supposed to be your girl, your princess.

Tonight... You were supposed to be giving me the hugs I loved so much,

making me the happiest girl ever.

Yet tonight... It could have been a month. But you didn't let it happen.

I won't cry. I'll move on, cuz I promised you I would. Boy, do you know how much I miss you?

; 爱过你短暂停留的容颜, 我的心却无法事过境迁,

I once loved the face which didn't stay long enough, yet I still can't get over it.

; 你的爱飞很远, 那伤心乱成一片.

Your love is far away now, messed up with a broken heart.

- I want your heart boy, even if it was just for a while.

Sorry.

I have a feeling an emo post will be coming up next.

Cuz I don't have enough time to type emo stuff now, I shall do it tonight wtf.

Yes, I will be back before 12 am, before it turns January 12th.

Skip this blog for a day if you do not wish to read emo stuff.

xx

Vanity, Part 2.

Yes, you guessed it.

Part 1 was with ChingMun. Now that she's happily in Zouk with Xin, it's just the two of us left. We got bored, and once again it happened.

Don't ask me how it started. I think it started when LiHong started wearing her shades and so I did the same. Hence, triggered the vanity in us.

Posers trying to act cool.

I think this was another poser pose too.

Bimbotic bitch pose.

Shut up.

The somewhat failed Nerdy look.

Seduced, no?

Yes, I smiled showing my teeth :x

my favourite one :)

Surprising how a pair of shades does miracles. It can make you look great without any makeup, even if you have shitty puffy eyes with dark circles. Ever wondered how it looks behind those shades? You're lucky that we're brave people :D

Ahaha I like this. It's like I'm staring up at her.

Yes, my nerdy glasses -_____-

We just love to video call :D

Oh ya. There was a guest appearance by this hot dude. Check him out. He's single, and most probably available.

Try dating him 10 years later :)

4 In The Morning.

No, not the Gwen Stefani song. Slept at 4 am last erm, morning. GG.

I somehow started thinking that class starts at 10 when i reached home, despite knowing so surely earlier at night that it actually starts at 9. Thus, I overslept and woke up at 8, rushing for class. Somehow, I still convinced myself that class starts at 10 when I woke up. Wtf. How great, 4 hours of sleep. Still managed to reach uni in time though.

Long story how the night before started. Went off to Laundry with Jonny and Jeff (his bro) at 10 something. How nice of them to fetch me. Met up with Xin, Flo, Flo's *cough* hot stuff *cough*and Jason.

Jason: Eh Kamen, I want a man to man talk with you. As in, woMAN.

Wtf. I swear, he's damn lame haha. Sadly, Ching had to run some Orientation and corrupt minds for the first years in her uni :(

Stayed there till about 1.30 am and left. Took the wrong way and got lost on our way home. Could have ended up at Genting Highlands haha wtf. Ended up in the middle of town in KL, Sentral, then Taman Desa and finally home. Pretty cool though. Driving around with two dudes in the middle of the night :D

It's been so long since I've managed to crap so much with Flo. Might blog more about the night when the pictures come to me. By the time the pics come, most prolly I'd already forgot half of what happened that night haha. Trust me, I camwhored like there was no tomorrow. And I swear, Imma steal that 12 megapixels camera one fine day.

Look at this. Taken with my phone camera without night mode. Flo looks so cute here <3

The one and only pic taken with my own phone. Others all somewhere inside Xin's camera and the camera-imma-steal-one-day.

Looked zombie-ish the next morning in class, I think my lect might even think I'm on weed. Wtf. Here's a picture to prove it.

My eyes, the worst state ever.

Off to meet the Cousin at Mid Valley after class today.

Couz' chocolate chip thing and mine, Caramel Frap as usual :)

She had to study for her exams this Weds.

and all i did, was to obviously - camwhore.

This was candid though haha.

I knew she couldn't take it.

She closed her books and said,

Forget it. Let's camwhore.

Posers.

I'm weird? You're weird too.

This picture reminds me of Flo last night.

Let's not talk bout it, yet :x

Just thought this was cool.

As if she had some kinda superpowers.

Cheers.

I'm so tired. But the night was great. Well, at least to me it was :)

- i remember, the moon was visible last night. There were clouds, yet my star was here shining....even for just one night, as fabulous as ever.

Laundry.

My bitches. Imma see you peeps in one hour's time.

Ching, screw that orientation and comeeeeeeee.

Wtf. This is so random.

For Once.

...LiHong has provided me with fruitful information.

Yesterday, we were discussing about the war between Israel and Gaza, about how dumb it actually started.

Today, my lect was talking about it during Consti lectures. About how dumb it was, how everything started with Gaza landing homemade rockets at them and the number of people who died.

No la, it didn't feel as godlike as it was previously but still, at least it wasn't Greek again.

Conclusion is, LuHong - you shall Google more random stuff and tell me about it ahaha.

Somehow, the lect reminded me of you. The way he speaks, the way he thinks, the way he is :)

By the way, anyone has plans for tonight? I'm free to go out tonight.

it's a rare thing loves.


- I wonder how it would be, the next time I were to see you.

The Sky Is Gloomy Again Today.

Having Jap exams in about 4 hours' time.

Had a damn gay chat session with Xin and Chingy. I swear it was one of the gayest convo we ever had. If it was face to face, we would have died of laughter. GG.

It's too overrated to be shown online haha. But one small bit of it can be found on Ching's blog. That's like just one small bit of it.

It's the season of breaking up ne. People around are all getting their hearts broken.

It'll heal in time :)

Omg. I feel so no life now. It's been so long since I last went out, well... it feels that long, literally. It's just uni, uni and nothing else. :x This is bad. It's just the first week goddamnit. And I realised, I haven't been writing for half a year that my handwriting sucks now haha wtf.

Oh ya. I need to share this. It's nothing great, but at least I feel great lah. It's my blog, try suing me.

It happened during our Constitutional Law classes. Apparently, some girl was talking bout her love for Science. for some reason, she's doing Law. It felt as if they were speaking Greek, none of us understood what cool philosophical stuff they were talking bout. Somehow, my lect ended up talking bout Richard Dawkins. Fuiyoh. That's when it came.

It wasn't Greek anymore. It became English.

On one of the rare occasions when I sit in front, I asked:

Richard Dawkins? Was it the one who wrote God Delusion?

Lect: Yes. It was a very good book. He was a very great thinker.... *goes on bout Richard Dawkins*

The class was so stunned. Science girl was stunned. It became Greek to her this time.

It was godlike.

I mean, look at my face man. Who would expect me to know things like this. No one would think that I know Richard Dawkins in the first place ahaha. Wtf. Okay, I admit I didn't know who he was, till you came along. Thank you you and your awesome brains. Ahaha.

Ok la, just let me indulge myself in this. It felt fun, too bad.

Was chatting to LiHong, she was bored to death too. So, she decided to Google on why Israel is bombing Gaza - and these were her results.

Israel is attacking Gaza because Gaza was attacking Israel because Israel was attacking Gaza.
Sadly, many innocent Gazan civilians have thus far failed to make the distinction between bombs intended for militants and bombs intended for them. It seems that when bombs land on the heads of Gazan civilians, they die regardless. The U.N. claims that 62 of those killed are civilians. The U.N. also says its civilian death count includes only women and children. Either there's no such thing as a civilian man in Gaza, or the U.N. is vastly undercounting the number of civilian dead.

*li hong* says:
now i noe why edi and its stupid

*li hong* says:
ok first its Gaza's fault because Gaza started shooting rockets even though small

*li hong* says:
but den Israel is also stupid

*li hong* says:
coz dey say enuf is enuf, and dey go and bomb Gaza back

*li hong* says:
but den Gaza shoot rockets coz Israel block all the economic trades. no food, nothing coming in Gaza

✭.....heart, kamen ❤ says:
hahahahahahaha

This is dumb. Stupid how war starts. Peace, anyone?

You've just wasted your time reading this post. Congrats, you're a no life like me too.

- you've taught me more things than you'd know.

Just For You.

Had to share this piece of mind here. One friend of mine has been very heartbroken recently. All she does is to think of their problems, figuring out the way to fix things, and never coming to a solution.

No, I'm not talking about myself when I say friend. I really meant friend.

Really hurts our heart watching her break down like this everyday, losing herself, and finding herself miserably in self pity. Not that I'm better than her, but it still hurts me to see her like this. Read this in a book, thought it might be helpful to her, and here it is.

I couldn't understand previously, I couldn't think of it that way previously.

Two people who loves each other, or rather, have feelings for each other... why can't they be happily together? What makes it so hard for things to work? Why is it that the deeper you love, the more tears you have to shed?

Now, I finally understand and realise that it's not just I heart you, you heart me and we'll definitely be happily ever after. It doesn't work that way. Since this relationship made you so depressed, made you cry so badly at night, made you so sad that you've lost your smile - why would you still want to continue? Must you just love him and nobody else? Or is it just that you're afraid to lose him? He wouldn't let you cry so much if he really loves you. He needs to put effort too, not just you trying so hard alone.

We all know that working hard and giving out all you can, they're all for the sake of love. But do you know that letting go needs more courage than that? Perhaps, you might be happier that way. You deserve a better person.

Darling, it's hard to let go. But at least, move on - slowly. You still have us with you. We can single mingle and eat pringles with you together. Wtf. I think I just spoiled this entire post by saying that haha. Cheer up dear :)

Love.

Saw this on the Cousin's blog, and decided to make it my caption. It fits me well enough, now that it's the past :)

- there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.

Tonight...It Feels So Peaceful And Serene.

欲しいよ　君の heart, boy...　一瞬でも

叶わない恋におぼれても　このまま夢から覚めたくないcan't let go

ワガママでもいい　揺るがない愛がここに欲しいよ

I want your heart, boy... Even if it was just for a while

Even if I were to drown in a love which won't come true,

I won't wanna wake up from this dream,

Can't let go

Call me selfish

I want your love.

Let go... let go... let go... I know I gotta let go
Let go... let go... let go... I know I gotta leave my past behind and let go
Let go... let go... let go... I know I gotta be strong
You better know where you're going and know where you're from
Better believe it baby, let's go...

Let Go by m-flo loves YOSHIKA

Nice song. Just the right song I need.

Thank you ne :) You always know I love lyrics.

Damnit. It's past 12. Nevermind, I still update everyday :D

Nothing else I feel like saying tonight, just a sincere Thank you.

To those who really cared and were concerned, I really appreciate it. I feel loved and blessed to have people like you guys by my side.

To you, for everything fabulous. For all the memories we had. I'm happy I met you. I'm so happy I did, you painted colours to my world which was just grey. My promise to you, I'll keep it.

It's just sad how you meet the right person at the wrong time, ain't it?

- I promise you I'll move on.

It Can't Be Summer All Year Long

Had a talk, had some thinking.

I smiled.

I really did, from the bottom of my heart.

After how long it was... I finally did.

I see what you saw. It's time when everything starts anew.

I know I'll never forget. I know I still heart. But I've learnt to move on.

Sad how things ended, but at least, we were once happy.

We once had it, that's all that matters.

Thank you for everything :)

本当にアリガト。

It's time to let go,

It's time to learn to see the beauty of Winter when it comes.

- you'd still be the one, no matter what. just that this time, I'll keep you deep inside my heart.

Sunny Winter, Rainy Summer.

Uni has finally started. Still don't feel the drive which I'm supposed to. Met new people, made new friends. Classes should be alright I guess, sad thing is - I have classes on Saturdays. It has been quite a while since I last had classes on Saturdays. Good days they were :)

The dress code, they're insane. No short skirts and short pants above the knee. What is it left for me to wear? Who wears skirts which goes below the knee anyway? They expect us to wear like OLs to classes everyday. Apparently it's to bring us up as future lawyers. Wtf.

It's pretty funny how each friend of mine would ask "Your class got leng chai ah?" to me. Apparently, there is one. Well, at least most people think that way. One friend of mine got so excited when she found out we'll be in the same class with him. Checked him out, surprisingly I really didn't find him charming. Charming... It was once a phrase I had for someone. Something's wrong. I'd find myself sitting in lectures paying attention and the next minute, my mind drifted off somewhere, far away.

You never left my mind.

I tried. I really did, so hard in fact. Somehow, the thoughts would just come back to me when my mind is weakest. I know you want me to move on. I'll let it be your way :)

I'll move on, forgetting about the sadness, walking away from tears.
I'll move on, but I won't run away.
I'll move on, but it doesn't mean I'll forget you.
I'll move on, but it still hurts when I think about it.
I'll move on, but it still feels lonely during those sleepless nights
I'll move on, but my heart still aches when I look up at the sky.
I'll move on,

But I won't forget about the past, like you.

I just don't get you. Why must things be done until this extent? You being confused is confusing me. Sigh. Jap exams coming up this Thurs, and I haven't touched it at all. Not at all. Never tried flipping the books. Never tried looking at them. They would all just remind me of you. Classes resume tomorrow and I'll be back in North Point again. How am I going to go through it?

North Point, the place we met.

But I will. I know I will. I won't cry. I can't deny that I still miss you badly. But I'll go through it, no matter how badly I long to see you. I face my problems, I can say it so strongly that I still heart. Cuz that's the way my heart is. Straight forward and not hesitant. I gave it away, and I will never regret that I did. I heart the way I want to, it's just that simple. What's with all those complicated confusing stuff? You said you didn't want to hurt me. What is a relationship without hurt? You said this fact is irrational. Its the nature that it's irrational.

I'm stronger than you. I'm not afraid.

I'll just keep myself busy :) Saw this on a darling's blog, she quoted, "Sun during winter can be like a metaphor, don’t you think? A metaphor for someone who looks happy but is actually sad. "

What about the Rain during Summer?

- I will smile, cuz I deserve to. Keeping you inside my heart.

What Have You Realised?

One of the rare Sundays when I'd stay at home. It's been so long, since I've stayed home on Sundays. When no one works on Sundays, that's when I see you. We both stayed at home today, facing the laptop, just ourselves.

I'm not used to it. 我不习惯. 慣れない。

So near yet so far. It's like watching a stranger.

;You're just a boy.
;You don't understand.
;You don't care how it hurts.
;Was it all that easy to just put aside your feelings?
;Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile cuz I deserve to.
;Since there's no more you and me,
;No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine.

-Beyonce's If I Were A Boy & Leona Lewis' Better In Time.

Uni is officially starting tomorrow. Assignments, classes, the cycle starts again - after half a year. The sky is so gloomy today, don't cry.. I like the sun more :)

Coincidentally, my music player, being in shuffled mode started playing a sad love song. It goes like this,

; 有再多的牵挂都已没有权利表达
No matter how much I miss you, I'm already nobody to tell you that.
; 昨天远了,明天还长,回忆模糊但巨大
Yesterday is far behind, Tomorrow is far away, Memories are blurred but strong.
; 这样的深夜眼泪要怎样不流下
How can I not cry on a night like this?

To those who are broken hearted, smile and a better one will come to mend your heart.
To those left behind, don't cry anymore. He/She's just not good enough for you.
To those who found love, appreciate him/her for it's not easy.
To those still living in memories, it's time to walk out or the future will never come.

Yet, it's hard.

To my loves,
Don't bomb Japan anymore - I know it still hurts when you think of it.
Don't bomb Miri anymore - Time will prove you two :)

Frankly, I don't know what I'm typing bout in this post most of the time. I'm confused myself. I'm lost myself. We tell ourselves to let go, yet we're holding on so tightly - wondering why we're still holding on. But we'll be alright, we know we will.

I'm just the same.

:)

- i wonder, if you've ever thought of me these days. just the slightest thought... Mr J.

Day 7.

It's been a week ever since. At the exact same hour. Nothing feels the same anymore.

No, I'm not going to start this post being emo anymore. Ironic it was, I went out to meet a long lost friend who came back from New Zealand today in MV again.

"Hey, how in the world did you end yourself up with a Kiwi dude man. It's so sudden. I never knew about it."

"I don't know. It just happened. Sorry lah, my face look like can only get Malaysian guy now is it."

Dulan-nye. Got face see wan meh.

Talked bout lots of stuff, and finally I've learnt to play pool. Sad it was, it wasn't you who taught me. We both lost the promise.

I wonder why, I couldn't help it but snap a picture of these when I was there. Another man sat there today. I could still remember we were there on the 11th. Now that I'm there, where are you? Everything is still the same, yet different people come and go. And as for me, still sticking to the same Caramel Frappucino.

Purposely took a walk to the centre court, and surprisingly the Christmas decorations were still there. It was the same spot where I stood, watching people passing by. For a moment, I just stood there smiling. Memories flashed through my mind, like a movie playing by itself. How you took candid snaps of me while I was waiting for you, how we camwhored, how I just walked past you, how we stood there while you took pics...Too many things happened under these trees - Big Big Tree was what you called it. They never failed to make me smile. No matter how it hurts, I'd never hesitate to let it remind me of you.

I didn't cry today. I understand that everything you did, they have a reason. I'll stand up again, wipe my tears and smile. I'll give it some time, for You and I.

I finally realise that I can't walk out from the world you brought me into. I've also realised that I can't stop living in the memories you once gave me. But it doesn't matter. I'll keep them in my heart, and I'll smile for the world to see. Nevertheless, you'll always be in my heart - my summer boy.

All these days, it really dawned upon me that there's nothing that I can do. Cheesy it may seem, but as the old saying goes, If it were meant to be, it will.

If we were meant to be, we eventually will. If we're not, then we're just not meant to be.
Then, I can only hope that you'll find one who suits you best in the future :)

So, let's just let Time make the decision and we shall see. I promise you I'll work hard. I shall occupy myself with my studies, and spend my time with my family and friends. When the free time in between haunts me, or when I lie in bed alone during the lonely nights, only I shall reminisce about what we once had.

I know it's hard. I know I'll always heart. I know you'll never leave my mind. But I know I'll be alright :)

本当に会いたかった。今までも超アイタイ。でも、もういいや。どう苦しくても我慢するからさ。

ね、いつも無視されて、気持ちが超イヤだよ。だから、もう無視しないで。アタシはもう、大丈夫だから。まだ仲間でしょう？だから、もういいんだ。

- たった一人の Mr.Boyfriend.

A New Beginning

Orientation went on as scheduled today, started at 10 am. It was so boring inside, I fled at 11.30 when Florence finally reached. Settled some stuff at the Main Campus, and off we went to Mid Valley for lunch. Our stomachs were growling.

It was the first day and I lost my timetable wtf. /omg

Flo started the day by making a sudden break in Bangsar and all her books fell from behind.

"eh kamen, pick up for me please."

Pick up I did. This time, I really think she purposely did it.

Of all books.

No, I have nothing against Criminal Law - look at the author :(

Reached Mid Valley and Delicious it was.

The thing about Delicious, they have these seats, which really satisfies camwhores girls like us.

yeap, there was a mirror there too.

I don't know what I was trying to do to her.

Florence texting her darling while waiting for food.

Saddening it was for me, all I could do was to take vain pics :(

Finally, our food came.

Carbonara Spaghetti

Shepherd's Pie

Had our dose of ice cream after that. It was too spontaneous.

Mint Chocolate Kisses.

It was gooood. I was never a fan of mint, but this one - it's really gooood. It was the best one out of all the other flavours we tried. A must try.

Ironic it was, we bought our ice creams from this shop.

Almost gg-ed again today in Delicious, like what happened to me in Kim Gary that day. Flo was scolding me, "LIEWKAMEN. Don't you do it in front of me. I'll slap you."

Sorry darlings, for breaking down like this. Sorry, for making you all worried. Sorry...that I'm a crybaby. Mid Valley is really too much for me.

Walked past these. I'm sure you remember what they are, and what they mean. They're still there, just the same - yet it's all different when I look at them again this time.

- They always made me laugh, like how you always did... would you do it anymore?

曾经的, 夏天

超アイタイよ。

もう我慢できない。

アイタイ。

もし、それが起こらなかったら

明日はきっと

「ただいまー」のメッセジがあるんでしょう・・・

もし、それが起こらなかったら

明日はきっと

「お帰りー」が言えるんでしょう・・・

ね、会ってもいい？

辛くて、苦しくて、悲しくて

ただアンタをアイタイ

「待たせないから、見つけるさぁ！」

誰が言ってた？

ね？

Virgin Post

...for the year.

It's not the virgin post of the blog, but for the year lah. What a way to start the year... by feeling emo. Wtf.

Last night was yet the most peaceful New Year's Eve I had since years ago. Stayed at home chatting with a friend online, and before I knew it, it was 12. Watched the fireworks with mom (yea, she managed to make it home from her dinner) from our balcony - it was beautiful.

Beautiful it may be, yet it ached my heart watching it. Suddenly, it felt like a thousand needles prickling through little by little, causing a numbed feeling. Inevitably, it reminded me of what you once said to me, and when I stumbled upon that thinking, something came to my mind when I tried relating it to you.

花火は、アタシ達と同じく、

来る時は見えない程の速さ、

でもまだその美しさを体験できないのに

一瞬に、消えた。

It's just like a relationship, Love is what some may call it. It comes so soon, so quickly that you can't even run away. It's so beautiful, like a thousand stars. Yet, you can never touch it, nor go near it. Those who do, will only get themselves hurt. It disappears at a speed so fast that before you can indulge in its beauty, it's gone as if it had never been there.

Yet, one can never deny the allurement of fireworks.

Day 5.

It's not any better than Day 1. I still wake up every morning wondering if everything was just a dream. Perhaps it's for the better you say, but I'd only want nothing but you - for better or for worse. Nothing else matters. There's only one thing which could ease my misery now, but it'll never happen. Perhaps, I shall just hope for a miracle :(

- it's just like you, the fireworks - fabulous, bright and awesome.