Insomnia.

It's 2 am and I can't sleep. Okay, it's not exactly that late but my eyes are so strained that they're gonna close shut any minute. The thing is, my mind is so actively hyper. Wtf.

Yes, it's been going on for nights. Normally, I'd just drift off to dreamland and sleep like a pig baby till the next morning. But recently, my mind just seem to be spinning, wandering on its own accord. I've been thinking, thinking so much lately - about all the possible possibilities.

I don't know, seriously. What am I thinking about? What has been causing these sleepless nights? I really wonder. And hopefully tomorrow (technically it's today), would be fine. Ugh. LMS lectures, I swear it's one of the most boring lectures ever. Criminal tutorial is cancelled, and thus ending class early. Yes, then I don't have to rush like how I did last week. Rushed like mad for Hennessy right after I got home.

Sometimes, it really freaks me out when I see my other friends panicking for their upcoming exams this Monday. This is exactly how I would be this coming July/August. Damnnn.

Just got home from crashing Flo's house for her birthday. We switched the main power supply in her house off when she was alone in the room, and she literally screamed her head off, opened the door just to get the shock of her life haha. T'was fun ;-)

Dayum. I have this feeling that I'll be exceeding the point of beyond zombie-ness, judging at the rate I'm going.

And now, Imma try sleeping and wake up for class 6 hours later, so that I'll be pretty much alive tonight. Tonight babeh, tonight. :D

On an unrelated note, Imma have Japanese tonight! It's been so damn long. A few more calories won't kill, I suppose? Nyahaha.

It's Your Birthday, My Darling.

May you be as crazy as you ever are,
And work hard for your dreams.
I'm sure you'll make it for Manchester :)

I love you, you know I always do.
And I'll miss you when you leave this September - very much indeed.


Happy Birthday Flo! ❤


*muahkz*

...and I'll let you be the princess for the day :P

And All We Do Is To Linger.

Perhaps it's the song, perhaps it's me.

Perhaps it's the night, perhaps it's the wave.

Perhaps, there's just no perhaps anymore.

This won't bring me down, not anymore.

Rise Above It.

Flo came over and picked me up for lunch today. It's time for a break from all the studying babe. And while being so enthusiastic about finishing her exams, she started making her post-exams/pre-UK plans.

We shall party after everything's ended womannn.

Sigh. I've been caught in a very weird position lately. I don't know how to describe this but it's plain weird. We'll see. Seriously. We shall wait and see.

I really like this picture. The heart shapes on the chocolate :3



Flo's beloved giraffe & my beloved sheep.

I just realised last night that Friday's a public holiday haha. Hmmm, it's a sign.

Thursday night!

最熟悉的陌生人

Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I expected. In fact, it wasn't bad at all. Another 27th has passed us by, hmmm. Okay, I lied. It wasn't bad but not completely. The daily emoness was still there and all but hell yea, I'm bloody fine. I've never felt better.

Seriously, I've started to feel so much better after the talk with a friend of mine. I really thank him for this. Cuz if it wasn't for him, I'd still be miserable everyday. I doubt you'd read this but Nick, thanks for the looooong talk haha! It was really enjoyable. You never knew how big of a difference the talk was haha.

The tiny bit of emo's still there lingering somewhere, but it'll be fine. I'll manage it. At least I'm not the horribly depressed bitch I was anymore haha. Till the extent Chingy said I needed a doctor, bitch :P

Oh, I bought a book today. Seems interesting. The title's Six Suspects by Vikas Swarup. If you're wondering why he sounds awfully familiar, he was also the author of the book Q & A, which was then made into a movie almost all of us have watched - Slumdog Millionaire.

On a unrelated note, I'm really irritated - like seriously. Wtf is wrong. Ugh. Sighhhhh. I'm just gonna sound like a bitch talking about this. I feel used and stupid. And sometimes I'd still wonder what has changed. I'll never understand I guess, not like I care anymore but.. yeah. And there's no point sweetheart, no point talking bout this to anyone at all. Period.

I've spoken to her. She thinks I'm thinking too much. She says I misunderstood. I don't know. Maybe she's just too nice :x

我们变成了世上
最熟悉的陌生人

如果当初在交会时能忍住那激动的灵魂
也许今夜我不会让自己
在思念里沉沦

相爱无梦

A casual Sunday. Met couz and went for some ice-eating session nearby at Taman Desa. Ooh, the ice was goood. Especially during the hot weather we're having nowadays :D

The penguin ice machine thingy.

Hmm, reminds me of a penguin water dispenser I've seen somewhere else :)



They look so cold.



My mom's less attractive lychee ice. Don't judge it by its looks. :D



Couz's strawberry ice



Mango for aunt and I :)

The ice was fantastic over there. Definitely will give it another go soon. It has been so long since I've last met the couz. She's having exams too, sigh.

Other than that, my day has been rather... unproductive. Tsk. I just can't wait, for their exams to be over.

Can't bloody wait.

Do You Feel Your Fats Juggling?

Quote of the day by Chingy, I shall say.

Today's initial plan was supposed to be Wii-ing and jogging over at Chingy's cuz we were both desperate to lose those ugly fats that's been haunting us recently. It's fucking irritating everytime I look into the mirror and I see ugly fats around me and my fat face. Yes, I hate these fats. One can guess that it was a failed plan, literally. We ended up watching Slumdog Millionaire, lazing around, and eventually managed a 20 minutes jog. Better than nothing, isn't it?

Some bloody retarded pic haha.



Chingy stalking blogging.



Waiting for Chingy to shower.



Heh. The blurred pic is always the best.



Sexy Chingy.



Yours truly, looking beyond zombie and a very chubby face.

Hennessy Penang is on right now as I'm typing this. Sigh. Everyone is so busy with their exams coming up. I can't wait till this exam season is over.

只是你我, 擦身而过

爱情,不是走了.
而是,曾经来过.
只是你我与它擦身而过.

虽然短暂
可是至少我们开心过, 也幸福过.
很幸福.

所以要学会放手,
让最好的你留在记忆中.

心在下着雨,
我们也不是彼此的晴天.
所以就算再想也只会让自己痛苦.

所以选择释怀.

希望曾经爱过的你找到你想要的晴天,
让你开心.
也活得自由, 因为自由, 才是你.

还来不及仔仔细细写下你的关于, 描述我如何爱你
你却微笑的离我而去.

Hennessy Artistry

Went for Hennessy Artistry event last night at Loft @ Heritage Row, KL. The music at the beginning was fine, but the free flow was godlike. Thumbs up. But the bar was soooo crowded. Oh well, it's free flow after all.

I wanted to go for the Hennessy event at Penang too this Saturday. But Flo's having exams. Sighhh.

Thanks to Caprice (the Malaysian performer that night) for putting us in his guestlist for the event. :)

Here's a few of the pictures taken last night. The rest of them are all in Facebook :D

The boys.



Yang Sik



Chia Chern



Sean



Caprice performing.



I forgot this dude's name, but he was pretty cool :)



The crowd at the beginning of the night. It became so packed afterward.
-_____-;;

We left early after the cool dude performed. Cheers :)

Had lunch with the loves of my life last week - Qi, Xin and Flo at Cova.

Damn. Cleo's Bachelor Finals Event thingy (I forgot the actual name) is on tonight at Zouk. I have the invites, but I can't go cuz I gotta be a good girl tonight. Damnnn.

Next week my lovesss.

Faith.

I did know after all.

I'm sorry.

:)

Hennessy tomorrow, erm I mean - tonight!

I'm Just Too Afraid.

To listen to what I soon have to.

I'd wanna hold onto the faith in me. I'd wanna hold onto it tight.

But something just isn't letting me.

When I thought some things are solved, in reality, it just isn't.

It was just me who never knew.

いつまでも心の中に居る

I had a sudden realisation. Things are better this way, yes it should be.

It still hurts when I think about it, and I won't deny the fact that you've never left my mind. But, I'm really glad we are where we are now. It might not have been as beautiful as we were not to part, but I guess, this is the best we've got, ain't it?

Emo-ness does haunt me very frequently. But I'll be fine. This time I really am. Just don't do anything to break this fragile piece that I have found. Take it one step at a time and I'll find my way out. Cuz I wanna be just like you, free from the remnants of this relationship we once had.

Wherever your dreams take you, hope you'll find happiness waiting for you at the end. And one day, my love, if you're really tired - just turn around and I'd always be there to give you a hug. A very warm goodbye to somebody who means so very much, somebody like you.

I don't even know whether you would see this. But yea, I'm fine already. Now all I need is time :)

いつまでも心の中に居る。

心の底に収めて、記憶の中に輝いてるアンタ。その夜、アンタに聞いた、そしてアンタも答えを告げた。
「アンタの心、アタシだけの場所がある？ちょっとだけでもいい。」
アンタはもう忘れたでしょう・・・でも覚えなくてもいい。
ウソだと疑いたくなくて、ただアンタに信じたい。アンタが言った事を全部信じたい。
ただその時、アタシだけを見ているアンタの目とそのやさしい笑顔、
それはもうジュウブンだ。

うん、それだけだ。信じたい、それはアタシだけの幸せだったから。

Since there's no more you and me,
It's time I let you go so I can be free.
And live my life how it should be,
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you.

- Better In Time by Leona Lewis.

I've got a better friend than I thought I did :)

I remember you told me to be. And for you, I'll be strong. Yes I will.

いってらっしゃい :)

Irreplaceable.

有谁能告诉我,
当你欲哭无泪的时候,
要怎么办?

Nobody has taught me that.

When it's too messed up inside. When all I need is a simple, but sincere hug. A hug so tight that it'd keep me warm. A hug so tight it'll make me cry.

A hug so similar to that of yours... but if there ever was a similar one, it'll only render the title meaningless :)

If only they could see,
If only they could see what's inside.

I Dreamed A Dream.

For a moment, I felt that I was

inexistent - a blank page, a missing chapter.

For another moment, I felt that I was

merely watching with envy.

Hey You.

お帰り :-)

Oops. I Did It Again.

I looked.


I can never be like her, not in his heart at least.

不在乎天长地久, you said.

那,你只在乎曾经拥有吗？ I asked.

或许，那个人不是我吧．她真好.

I've asked myself the same questions, over and over again every night since. Trying my best to come up with an answer which I could be satisfied with. I end up looking at pictures, thinking of what happened then. Wondering what the possible truth could be. Nobody could give me an answer, neither did myself. For I do not know.

I wished I had never heard. I wished I was never told.
Then I would have one thing less to think about.

I'm tired. I'm really tired. It's too noisy, the deafening silence. Voices, they keep repeating themselves. People's speaking into my mind. And I still remember every word they said to me, good and bad. Yet, it's dead quiet. The feeling... It's sickening.

And there would be times when I'd drift away from reality. Many scenes running through my head. I tend to get caught in my own world I guess. Memories? No, I don't think I have seen them. Or maybe - just maybe, I have forgotten. Imagination? They hurt too much to be mere imagination. I don't think I'm making sense again, no?

I get happy, I get upset, I get worried. Who am I to still be worried so much? I really wonder. I'm nothing but a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you.

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray,
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away.
You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried,
cried for you.
what a rainy ending given to a perfect day.

- Cold As You by Taylor Swift.

For she was given too little, too little indeed. To have something worth remembering by you.

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★

我们都一样，心里还思念着某个人.
不一样的是
我思念的，是我失去的你.
而你思念的,
是以为失去了你的她，你放开的她．

We're just the same, our hearts are still missing someone.
The only difference is
The one I'm missing, is you whom I've lost.
And as for you,
She who thought she had lost you,
The one you once let go of.

私なりの力でアンタの顔に真の笑顔を描く.

I remember I've once mentioned that on my blog. Ironically (and coincidentally), it was dated December 11th. I remember I posted this up cuz I wanted to apologize for something stupid I said, which angered you.

私なりの力でアンタの顔に真の笑顔を描く。
If only I could.

Sigh. I wish I could, really do.

Anyway, I did a personality test and it's pretty true haha. I'm a Sanguine Melancholy. Here's part of my results. It's pretty long so I'll just take those which I can relate to haha.

The Sanguine:

• Compulsive talker
• Can't remember names
• Has restless energy
• Egotistical
• Naive, gets taken in
• Has loud voice and laugh
• Controlled by circumstances
• Gets angry easily
• Would rather talk
• Easily distracted
• Wastes time talking
• Hates to be alone
• Repeats stories

The Melancholy:

• Deep and thoughtful
• Analytical
• Philosophical and poetic
• appreciative of beauty
• Sensitive to others
• Schedule oriented
• Perfectionist, high standards
• Detail conscious
• Persistent and thorough
• Orderly and organized
• Neat and tidy
• Sets high standards
• Wants everything done right
• Keeps home in good order

Try it out yourself here :)
Credits to Panda. Found this through his link on Facebook :D

Wake Me Up When September Ends.

Was supposed to go over to Chingy's for Wii today.. but had a sudden change of plans due to some unforseen circumstances (Haha wtf). I'm sorry :(

Yeah, so I ended up at OU after everything to pick my stuff up. I'm so happy, the shop did it so nicely for me. It was even done faster than I expected :3

Fumbled upon the Korean Food Fair at the New Wing and there we were, spending money on junk food :x

Strawberries! Yummeh.

T'was my day. Another day in holidays gone, sigh. I've just counted when I was eating dinner today. I just realised that I have to bid goodbye to a few of the people who I really care for real soon. They're all leaving, to different countries at the other end of the world. And the sad thing is, they're all leaving at about the same time. One's June... then September. That's when everyone's leaving :(

I'm gonna miss you people. I really can't imagine spending the days without you people around thinking that you're far far away -cuz I've spent too much time with you people, my very beloveds :((

I can visit Scotland when I'm in UK, it's pretty near :)
I can also visit Manchester easily :))
Then maybe we can fly to Melb :)))

But... kiwiland? :(

你会看吗?

刮风这天我试过握着你手
I've tried holding your hand on that windy day
但偏偏雨渐渐, 大到我看你不见
But it had to rain so heavily till I couldn't see you
还要多久我才能在你身边?
How long more do I have to wait till I can be by your side?
等到放晴的那天也许我会比较好一点
Perhaps I'll be better when the day clears.
从前从前,有个人爱你很久
There was someone who loved you long ago
但偏偏风渐渐, 把距离吹得好远
But the wind was so strong it blew us apart

好不容易又能再多爱一天
We were finally able to love for one more day
但故事的最后你好像还是说了 bye
But you still had to say bye at the end of the story.

可惜,我不是你想要的晴天.
而我想要的晴天,
你却不能给我.

Random.

Qi said she wanted to reach the "greyish-epic scale" in her blog and decided to standardize the colour of her fonts to grey. And then she said,

Princess said : you know what grey words mean on my blog don't you

i says, well, i will be your grey word from now on then (:

Awh, how sweet of you. Hugs. Haven't seen her for almost a week I think. I wonder if she still does weird things everyday. Hmmm.

I've been updating so frequently. Blame the unproductive holidays. I'm stuck at home with the lappie, and the assignments. Of course I'd choose the first one.

明日はタイへ行くね？気をつけてね。
いってらっしゃい :)

Hmmm. I wonder if the protests in Thai has died down.

Slip Through Reality.

What, I'm halfway through my holidays already? Damn, felt like it just started. And as I've expected, I'm procrastinating on my work.

Everyone seems to be busy, except for Chingy. Womannn, when's our Wii day gonna come? Time to lose some weight babeh. I'm so gonna thrash youuu :D

Xin, faster be done with your exams. Then we can partayyyy. With Chingy this time, and Jia Xin, and LiHong (nah, she can party with us virtually).

Jon! You betrayer. You've been saying you wanna bring me out since ages. And when is that one fine day gonna come. What happened to our chill, stone, party sessions eh? You suck laa.

Psst! Flo, our Sipadan trip!

Oh, and

Happy Birthday JY!

Enjoy your birthday yea. Hugs.
Come to think of it, I think I wished you at 12 sharp didn't I?
According to your time over there that is, haha!

Looking forward to you coming back next month :D

Three more days. And it's back to lectures. Sigh. I'm hungry, and I miss the maggi goreng over at G. Hmm.

Stupid Me.

YAY.

You chose a stupid path, Chingy said this afternoon when I told her. She'll definitely scold me :(

I choose to believe. I've said it before,

I'd believe in anything you tell me. I'm sorry.

This had been bothering me entire afternoon. This matter is solved I guess.

Or rather,

I choose not to think any further and believe in you.

原来...是这样.

She's so weak. Her emotions, easily affected by the slightest thing.
She was happy, then her eyes failed her.
Just when she was sinking deep down, she saw a gleam of light.
She tried to catch the light, just to know that
The light wasn't meant to be on her.

Foolish. Stupid. Imbecile.

She gave her heart and soul. She thought at least she held on to the slightest bit.
She thought it was beautiful. She thought it was sad.
She thought it was real.
She thought.

What is she to you?

Do you know that it tears her up inside?
You never knew how much she loved you, didn't you?
It doesn't matter if you couldn't love her, you know. It doesn't matter if you left her like this. It doesn't matter no matter what you did. She never needed a sorry. She'd smile and say it's okay.
Cuz she had a bit and that's enough, at least that was what she thought.
Little did she know that,
She never had anything since the very beginning.

She's cried so much she can't even cry anymore.
She's beyond broken now.

Yet, she still chose to believe that
You're fabulous.

Please tell me I'm wrong.

So this is how it feels to see the other side of beauty - all crushed up.

And no one hears her silent cries, when she's screaming inside.

Little Miss Despicable 3

Yes, there's a part 3. Sickening eh? (Part 1 and Part 2 is here)

Enough is really enough. My patience has its limits, and trust me, it's amazing how I kept my patience with you till now. And you chose to exceed it, so let it be. I won't stop for no one now. I've tried, giving you chance after another just to avoid any possible conflicts arising. Now it's just too bad.
I don't fucking care.

If I had to list down the few irritating people I've met in my life, you'd definitely make it to the top of my list. You're way beyond irritating. Get a life, please. I live my life and I do not need you to nose around with it.

You wanna read my blog, go ahead. But can't you just keep that fucking big mouth of yours shut? Yes, I'm swearing. I don't usually swear on my blog unless it's something really terrible to me. (It doesn't apply in reality though.)

You're admirable, really. You actually whored on my blog as often as I whore on Facebook. Till you know everything from how many shoes I have till how many guys I've dated. Sadly, you've read things wrongly. You've got it wrong, my dear. You've never seen my shoes and trust me, you're wrong ;-)

Does it matter to you how my relationship goes? No, it doesn't bother you. So why the fuck do you have to go around yapping with your big fat mouth? As I mentioned before, my dad is very well-informed with my life, so thank you - I don't need you to update him, or the rest of the family.

What else do you want to know babe? I'll tell you everything, and you can tell the world for me, thank you. I have fun with my friends. I have fun with my cousin. I have fun in uni. I dread doing my assignments. I go out at night once in a while. I have a messed up relationship. I'm an emo bitch. What now? Oh, and don't think that I don't know you whore his blog too. Seriously, why the fuck do you want to know so much about me? Damn, I must be inspiring or some shit.

Go ahead and do the other thing that you do best. Imitate me. Stop your current course and take up Law. Be obsessed with heels. Get friends who bitches with you often then maybe you can bitch bout me. Listen to emo songs. Get a New Zealand boyfriend. If you can't meet one, sheeps will do for you. Pirated bitch.

Stop telling people things I never said. Stop putting words into my mouth. I'm not like you. You're old enough to not think like a kid. In fact, you're older than I am. You think this is childish? Damn you. I've been patient with you since ages and I can't take it anymore.

Get a life. Date a guy. Focus on studies. Whatever. Just.. move on with that god-forsaken life of yours.

Escapeeee.

And so, Chingy was so happy she made it for her exams. Met up with another two of her friends to catch a movie. Fast & Furious 4 it was.

Well, there's always this funny thing which would happen whenever both of us are in the cinema. We do the weirdest things ever. (Remember the Jay Chou movie? I never wanted to say I was her friend.)

Braga, the bad guy did something stupid (well, to us it was stupid and hilarious) and we started laughing our heads off. Chingy even sounded like she was having an asthma attack. But, it was just the two of us laughing when everyone else was so tensed up watching those cars banging against each other, literally.

T_____________________T

It was funny. Then, he did another stupid thing and we started laughing again. It was just the two of us laughing in the cinema. Damn. Well, nothing beats what she did during the Jay Chou movie. What was the name again? I remember it had something to do with some golden flower or something. That, was classic. HAHA.

Oh, and Jordana Brewster's like real hot! :D

We went to Cova after the movie for a drink and some bitching.







I kinda like this shot :D

And yea, that's about it. At least, it managed to lift my mind off stuff for a bit. The horrible irritating feeling which had been bugging me for a few days. Ugh. Control, yes, control.

Oh, a bitchy post will be up next.

Something To Share.

Another mail I've received a while ago. A really sweet one :)

When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running in her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she's thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, she's wondering how long you'll be around.
When a girl stares at you, she's wondering why you're lying.
When a girl lies on your chest, she's wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl says I love you, she means it.
When a girl says I miss you, no one else in this world could miss you more than that.

Find a guy who,
calls you beautiful instead of hot.
calls you back when you hang up on him.
will stay awake to watch you sleep.
kisses your forehead.
tells you how lucky he is to have you.

:)

Movie with Ching tomorrow. Let's hope it'll do me fine ;-)

at least I won't have to stay at home and start thinking weird stuff.

Cuz You Took My Love.

Woke up thinking of the same matter again. It's really irritating, especially with Chingy's words last night ringing in my mind - which adds to the irritation. I can't stop, my mind's spinning (right round right round. haha wtf). I've lost control of it. And when I feel pissed, I'll run away from the matter, just to be dwelling in that matter minutes later. My eyes have failed my self-convincing.

But tonight baby you got me sad and blue,
I just heard about the girl in your car,
Got me crying.

Now this is the sound of a broken heart,
There's only one reason why we're apart,
If it wasn't for the club,I'd still have my love,
We would still have us.

- Hatin' On The Club by Rihanna.

Nah, not the club. Chingy would understand what this verse means I'm sure :)

Went to MV with mom today, and then to One Utama when I finally made up my mind to buy it. Spent my money on it, and walked around the entire place searching for an engraving shop. Finally I've found it and paid another sum for the engraving. And now I gotta wait a week till it's done.

Damn, should have joined Roger and Juen for work at the PC Fair @KLCC during the weekend for some extra cash. Sounds fun. Now, I can't buy heels anymore for some time and gotta start saving for the month lol.

Nevertheless, I'm happy I found it. I'd definitely choose this even if I were to be given 10 pairs of heels :)

Sigh. I felt like I need to go for a holiday recently, to take my mind off things would be fun too, running from reality. My escapade. Anywhere would do, I just need to run away from this busy town. One week break, but everyone just seems to be busy.

Anyone free? :(

Tell Me It Isn't.

Fuck.

Whythefuckdoistillfuckingcare.

ChingMun, we now have a love-hate relationship. Thanks to you, I feel like crying like a useless bitch over god knows what reason. Thanks to you, you've made me realise things and start having doubts. (You sound like an old experienced aunty though with all the bad bad experiences :P )

`//¤»Chingy«¤- says:
*but i tell u
*if she wasnt in his mind
*he wouldnt have brought it up

You are right. This sucks.

Many things have been going through my mind. I've even tried convincing myself entire evening and considered all the possible explanations for it. But, Chingy's words crushed it all and my eyes' seen it all.

But, I really really wanna believe. I really do. How? Do I now convince myself that I'm seeing the wrong things and deciphering it the wrong way?

...and it was the 11th.

Went to Phuture @Zouk last night with some friends. There were a crazily lot of people there that it was so hard to even squeeze in, which we did. The music in there was fine though. Xin and I were so happy when they finally played Pokerface lol.

Haha I had to post this! Xin's finger's like damn funny haha.



The crazy crowd.

I'm damn tired that I think I can collapse while typing this. Haven't been sleeping much for the past few days. And that was about my night.

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

The moon was a full moon that night, I remember. It was so bright.

Perhaps, I've gotten the answers I've been searching for. I'd choose to believe in anything, my love - be it true or false. I'd believe blindly in anything you'd say, so please, don't let it be a lie.

I wished and wished, I wished so badly - that I'd give anything just for time to stop right there. It doesn't matter even if the world were to end. It doesn't matter even if I were to lose myself. I'd give anything for time to stop, right where we were.

ぜったいに忘れない、
ずっとアタシを見てるその目。
ずっとアタシを抱いていたその腕。

ぜったいに忘れないよ、大好きのアンタ。

それでジュウブンだ・・・それでいい。それだけでアタシが満足できる。
本当にアリガトね、アンタ。

ね、アンタ。
色々くれてアリガト。アンタにとって、大した事じゃないかも知れないけど・・・アタシにとって、本当にスペシャルだった。
切なくて、短くて、悲しくて・・・でも幸せだった。
それはアタシ達二人だけの時間だったからさぁ。

アリガト。

答えを教えてくれて良かった。アンタが言った事に全部信じたい。
ウソでも信じてる。だから、アタシにウソをしないでね、いい？
全部信じてるから。

I fell asleep to a beautiful dream and woke up to a splendid weather, the birds were even chirping merrily - yet it rained in the afternoon. It was a long dream. A dream I wished I'll never have to wake up from. I couldn't be bothered even if I couldn't wake up anymore. I couldn't be bothered of what'll happen next. Cuz I've never slept better.

- It ended when it started, 11/12.

邀明月, 让回忆交接.

And so the assignment-craze is over - for now.

The next assignment (LMS - Legal Methods & System) is due on the 8th of May. Literally, I have almost a month more to work on this, but I have this feeling that I'll procrastinate for 3 more weeks then panic and whine about it, then work like a dog for this.

Whatever, enough bout assignments.

So, the break has started. Our miserable one week break which I supposedly have to sit at home and read my UCTA (Unfair Contract Terms Act). Ugh, I sound so bitter. Damn, everyone's not around.

The cousin has exams.

Chingy has her exams coming up. Crazy pharmacist.
Flo has exams really soon. Now it's her turn to be gg-fied by Consti and Criminal, etc.
Xin has exams in two weeks' time. She still seems normal. (You know, people turn abnormal when exams are near).
Jia Xin is always missing in action. I've only met her thrice despite being in the same uni. (Twice in the lift and once at the dodgy mamak).
LiHong is far away in Melb enjoying her life.

As for Uni mates,

Dave is always missing, god knows where. Most prolly making diluted curry.
Juen is working at the PC Fair. Flash em stuff, bitch.
Qi is boy-scouting in Singapore. Don't do weird things babe.

Angeline...let's not talk about her. She's lost in her world of doors.

Sigh. We'll see.

Sigh.

Fuckety fuck.


...and today she realises there's yet another pain she has to face.


Let's just pretend I've never seen, I've never felt, I've never knew.

Yes, I shall stop letting these things come to me.

It's just a matter of control.

We'll see how long this determination will last.

I'm Tired.

and so she says shes fine, is she really?

she knows she can't hide from you,
cuz you'd surely know.

yes, she's fine. she really is.

it's just empty... all over again,
like how she was
before you found her.


☆★☆★☆★☆★☆☆★☆★☆☆★☆★☆







Hennessy Artistry anyone?

Venue: Upstairs @ The Loft, KL.

Anyone who want invites, PM me on MSN :)

It's 3 am

... and I can't sleep.

I have class tomorrow, but I still can't sleep.
I'm sick of assignments, but I can't sleep.
I feel really tired, but I just can't sleep.

What am I waiting for?

I read a friend's blog a moment ago. Somehow, it brought the emoness in me out again. Well, it was already an emo post to begin with. Very melancholic, I would say. I almost cried reading it. I don't know what's wrong but it sounded like a really sad post, yet it was sweet. So sweet indeed. Melancholic sweetness? Or bittersweet?

It's not exactly a long post, yet it depicted so much a person had to say. I don't know, at least I read it that way. (I know you're gonna argue back) Sigh. My emotions really got complicated after reading it. I don't know what kind of feeling it was but, it was a sad, sad feeling. Somehow, it reminded me of the feeling I've forgotten long ago. I can't describe that feeling right now, but it's just...there. If only. If only. If only. We could have been that way, me and you. Sweet.

*playing the song continuously, thinking I'd get some realisation from it. How futile.

I keep listening to the same song, and all I feel is
a feeling of pain lurking somewhere in the
corner of my heart.

Sigh.

That, is exactly how my table looks like right now.
It's flooded with cases and papers everywhere that it's hard to type :(



Ugh. I hate it when things are messy.

It'll be over. It'll be over.

The Wave.

It hit me again.

Yea, I admit. I stopped doing my assignment for tonight. I gave into the temptation of a stupid game. Seriously, it's a stupid game. Yet, it's pretty addictive haha. Chingy, had you downloaded yours yet? I'm like, waaaayyy ahead of you :P

Yea, back to the wave. Damn wave. And when it hits me, all I think about is I wanna blog, I wanna blog, I wanna blog. And now it's blank.

もどかしいよ。
なんとなく・・こんなカンジがする。理由が知らないのに・・もどかしく感じる。
PMS かも? Hahahahahaha.

欲しいよ　君の　heart, boy… 一瞬でも
叶わない恋におぼれても　このまま
夢から覚めたくない　can't let go
ワガママでもいい
揺るがない愛がここに欲しいよ

何か、迷ってるカンジ。何でかなぁ？
何もしたくないし、ただどこかへ逃げたい。
うん、海へ行きたい。
夜に車の中に乗るのが大好き。行く場所がなくてもいい。変な人だなぁ、アタシ？（笑）
もう、いいんだ。本当に疲れたよ、現実に。
ね、アタシを連れて一緒に逃げてもいい？
現実から逃げて・・・夢でもいい。
一日でもいい、一瞬でもいい・・
ね？

疑問がいっぱいいっぱいある。でも、考えたら、すぐに 「知りたい事って何？」 って言う思いもある。
まぁ、メチャクチャだねアタシ。ショウがない。

何も知らなくてもいい、ただここに居られる事を願いたい。
何もできなくてもいい、ただ・・・ただアタシに教えて。

Let go let go let go…
I know I gotta let go.
Let go let go let go…
I know I gotta leave my past behind and let go.
Let go let go let go…
I know I gotta be strong.

その夢、そのまま、醒めなければ良かったのに・・・ね？

今のアタシ達、「誰か」のために心が痛めてる・・・と思うね。何でかなぁ。なんとなく、切ないカンジ。ね、アンタ・・心が・・アタシのために・・・痛くなった事があった？ちょっとでもいい。ね、ある？

うん、これで終わりと思う... Cuz I don't think I'm making sense anymore.

ああぁ、疲れた！寝よう、寝よう！

何も言わずに　ただ君の愛がここに欲しいよ.

Let Go.

Ignore Me.

It is about time that I establish a fundamental, concrete relationship with my Jonathan Herring and most probably hug it to sleep. Oh, and maybe Smith & Hogan too, if I have the time. They're simply irresistable.

Then, they'll love me enough and cast a skill upon me and I'll own the assignment. (wtf)

And did I mention that Lord Steyn is so sexy that I can't miss a single crap judgment he said?

Shit. This is getting crazy.

Jeez, I really wonder what will become of me by the time Contract assignment reaches.

I'm Sick Of My Assignments.

That is why Imma blog. Fuck. I just counted the days left minus the binding, printing and turnitin crap. Basically, I have two days left - that is, if I continue on my 500 words right now. Screw the lazy bug in me and hope it'll burn in hell. Wtf.

Qi (you're still yellow) made a very unusual quote today. Well, unusual cuz she's always making weird quotes that only her imaginary friends could understand. However, she mentioned it so casually that it was... dominating. Haha wtf.

Yes, you've lost him as a lover.
But hey, you've found him back as a friend :)

Thanks Qi, really. I love ya.

Received an e-mail from a friend today and thought of sharing it here.
My comments will be in purple :)

18 Things That Girls Don't Realise:

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2) Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they try.
- Then why let go in the first place?

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

5) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

6) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
- :-)

7) Guys love you more than you love them.
- Not necessarily.

8) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a lot.

9) If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something.

- He always is.

10) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.

11) When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me."

12) If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up.

13) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

14) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
- Guys are equally confusing.

15) A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day.

- I'd give the world to be able to read your mind for a day :)

16) No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it.
- Hmmm. Maybe.

17) When a guy sacrifices his sleep and health just to talk to you, he really likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible.
- Sigh. Past tense.

18)Even if you dumped a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life.
- Could it be the other way round?


What do you think? Thinking of anyone when you're reading this? :P

Okay, back to assignments. Bai.

Nostalgia.

Happy Birthday LiHong.
Finally you're 20.
Hope you enjoy your life over there in Melbourne,
With your newly gained freedom.

I'm sure you're really happy there.
We all miss you loads here :)

☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★★☆★☆★☆

Damn. I just realised that the 10th is just 4 days away. And I thought I had one week for my Criminal assignment. Shit. I'm freaked out now.

Time - a very scary word. Sometimes, it passes so slowly that you get so agitated, wishing hard that there was a fast forward button which you could press. Sometimes, it passes so quickly that you're amazed how many years had passed despite feeling that it was just last year.

It's so hilarious now to remember that we freaked out for UPSR or PMR (some stupid exam we were obliged to sit for during Primary and Secondary). I think, it'll be hilarious to be freaking out for assignments few years later when I look back at this. Whatever, just let me freak myself out now.

But that's not my point. I could still remember that I actually cried for a very stupid reason years before, 5 years ago if I'm not mistaken. I think I cried cuz my ex refused to do something very minor, and I cried whole day in school wtf. I was moody the entire day cuz he was absent wtf. Not knowing a single thing about being heartbroken. Yes, I still lived in my fairy tale that time. Haha wtf, even I'm laughing to myself when I'm typing this out. I'm sure Chingy's laughing her ass off now at this point. I know what you're gonna say, shut up.

Then I made quite a stupid decision and for a year plus, my mind went through shit due to this. I was always caught in between. I was always forced and pushed. I hated the feeling so much. It even came to extent that I was sick of myself.

Things became more screwed up when the already screwed up matters became more screwed up. Then all I remembered was that I cried my eye balls out for all the things I've done, ending up with ugly swollen eyes everyday. I don't even want to remember this part of the story.

When things could not get any worst, you found me and picked me up. It was like the summer rain washing away the cold, winter snow. For once in two years (or more), it didn't feel screwed up. I was happy. Finally, I could leave the horrid mess behind and be happy, in a completely different world. When I thought things finally brightened up, it had to screw up so suddenly and I ended up crying my eye balls out once again. But yeah, I was so happy I met you - you've taught me lots of things :)

Sigh. As you can see, it's pretty screwed up... how things are. Oh ya, I forgotten bout my point - time. It changes you, really. For the better or for worse, I really don't know. I've just typed out so much stuff that it would look so great if it were facts of strict liability on my assignment document now. Unfortunately, it isn't. Tsk tsk.

To you. I'm sorry for things I've done. I'm glad you're happy now. It's good that it's over.
To you. There's nothing else I can say but, I'm truly sorry. You never knew what I did.
To you. Sorry I almost ruined things but I'm happy for you right now, bitch :)

And most importantly, to you.
You know what I have to say, I know you do - with those (cough) "awesome" brains :P

Oh and Qi, good luck in passing your driving. Hopefully you don't do something weird, hopefully.

I'm confused again with my own feelings. I know it's over. I know it'd be this way. Then why is it that I'm still lingering over various thoughts? "Could have beens" surrounding me. If only those "could have beens" could have been. Maybe I just can't get over these could have beens. I remember you said something like this, or something similar (haha)

Perhaps you just like to be emo

Yea, maybe. Or perhaps there's still so many unknown answers that I'll never get to know.

It'll be fine, I'm sure. I'll sort it out soon enough. Yours truly.

Of Endorphins and Games.

Finally tried the food in Cova after having heard of it for some time.

The place was fine. And I didn't know they sing in the afternoon! :O (I thought they only sing during the night)

Oh, and the singer has this sweet face! She's pretty, and she has a great voice :D

I tried taking a pic of her. And this was the most decent pic I had. Others were... blurred, thanks to my wobbly hands. And the nearer ones, she didn't look that nice - so I can't convince people that she's pretty with those pics. The rest of the pictures, it had the people from the next table staring into the camera, so I can't use that too. Or maybe I just don't know how to use my camera. *shrugs* So, minus the blurred ones, I realised that this is the only one I had left. Can't see her so clearly but oh well, click to enlarge :(((

Oh, I took a trip to heaven. I didn't know there were devils in Heaven :O I was the angel of course.

J: Looks like heaven.

K: Yea, and I'm the angel.

J: If you're the angel, then I must be god.

-___________________________-

Okay, whatever. I still rock :D

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

To think that you were true, I was so wrong.

I've finally heard the truth.

When I needed you so much, you chose to just watch.

Even if it risked me losing the chance,

You just couldn't care less.

You knew how much it meant to me, how important it was to me.

Putting the blame to others, thinking that you'd be safe.

I'm sorry but I've known the truth.

I really thought you wouldn't do this to me.

At least she bothered.

Now I know... Now I know.

Still, I'd like to thank you.

For letting me see the truth in you.

Thank you.

No, this has completely nothing to do with my emoness, or relationships.

★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆

- Stupid grey things and their leaves.

Finally, you've gotten some sleep :)

Today, I realised that I'm actually better than I thought I was.

Perhaps, it was just my brain which tricked me.

And as you said, it's a matter of control :)

Yes, I do feel better after understanding it.

Thank you :)

And for now... Just let me be.

Cuz I'll be fine.